Thursday, 13 August 2015

Let's Talk; Experiencing Loss

I used to think that the old sayings, you know the ones that refer to time being a healer? were actually true, I really did, I heard it on the TV, in movies and I automatically took this as complete 100% for everybody. I believed, that no matter what happened to you, "Time would heal everything". This was before I experienced heart breaking loss, after that, I was a little more cynical. Once you have experienced loss of any kind, I think you wise up to these sayings and change them round, because let's face it, time doesn't heal everything, but I do believe that time helps to make things easier. You do survive and you do carry on with life but the feeling of loss somehow manages to stay with you, That's how it is for me anyway. No matter what I do, at one point in the day I end up really missing my mum and craving her cuddles, so I break down. 



This weeks Let's Talk; is on Experiencing Loss. Since I was 8 this seems to be the reoccurring theme in my life and I am sure I'm not the only one. When i say loss, I am talking about people passing away because to me that is the biggest form of loss you can experience, ever and I am sure a lot, if not most people would agree with me on this one. It can be a truly difficult time when someone passes away and as you get older it will only happen more often but what strikes me as pretty amazing is, you get through it. At the time it hurts like hell and you can't seem to imangine a life that is any different to the one you have been living, but you get there. 


Growing up I experienced the loss of my Uncle who was like a father to me, My Mother, My Great Grandad and then I had a miscarriage. Although the majority of the loss I have experienced is people passing away that I knew, loved and cared for very deeply, I found that I still experienced the same emotions for the loss of a fetus that was growing inside me and I never met before. I was so upset, angry and hurt. All thing I felt when my family passed away and this was very strange to me at first, I didn't understand why I felt like this. A miscarriage is horrendous to say the least and I knew I would feel really upset, I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster of emotions I was experiencing. I suspect that everyone goes though somewhat the same feelings when it comes to loss but no one on this earth will ever experience exactly what you are feeling or going through mentally as it's your own body and mind, you will experience everything in your own way, although people can empathize and sympathize they will never experience the exact same emotions as they affect you. But remember, this is ok. It is ok to go through things your own way and experience them different from others and this is something I didn't understand when I was younger, I thought that you had to feel how everyone else was and that anything different was a cause for concern, The way I got through that though was my Gran explaining everything to me and telling me it's ok to go through it and deal with it my own way. I would encourage anyone with children that are experiencing loss, wither it be a member of the family, the family pet or even friends, explain to them that how they feel, is ok. 




Since loosing my Mum in 2008 I have been waiting for time to heal everything, I have been waiting to suddenly stop forgetting that she's not here any more. Loosing my mum was tough and I can imagine that it's tough to loose any parent at any age but I was 15 when I lost my mother. To me it was the end of the world, I really though I was in a nightmare and that I was going to wake up, go into her room and steal a cuddle, but I was wrong. I was stuck in this hellish reality of not having my mum to tell me everything was going to be ok. So far it has been 7 years and boy, have they been tough. I miss her everyday, her smile, her laugh, how she would wipe my tears away. I miss everything about her from top to toe and I don't think it will ever get easier to know she is never coming back. My mums death hit me pretty badly but I pulled myself out of that rut and now I'm here with my beautiful baby boy who I just know my mum would have spoiled rotten! She would have been the apple of her eye. That's how I get through the loss these days, I think of Leon. 

Eventually life starts going back to normal and you get on with thing like everyone does, the world keeps spinning and people keep living their lives. I have always found that the more loss someone has experienced, the less they would show it, it's people like that who are so strong and deserve medals for being able to cope with everything life throws at them. One of those people is my Gran. She is completely and utter super woman and without her, I wouldn't be who I am today let alone actually be here. She is my rock and I am eternally grateful for her in so many ways. 

My gran has experienced a tremendous amount of loss, for one person to have gone through as much as she has is insane and she is an inspiration to all! My Gran lost her mother, and even though they weren't close it must have hurt. Then she lost sisters, cousins, friends etc... All people who you wouldn't classify as immediate family as she wasn't close to them but I can imagine it would still wear on you a bit. She's also suffered a miscarriage when she was young, before she had her hysterectomy at aged 22 after being diagnosed with cervical cancer. (That's what age I and I can't even think of that happening, I wonder how she felt) Then in 2000 my Uncle Jon passed away leaving my gran absolutely devastated and heart broken, her youngest child and only son was gone. I can't even begin to think how that felt. And then in August of 2008 my mother took her own life meaning that both my grans children were dead, loosing one is hard enough but both must be completely horrid in every way. And finally just as things were evening out her Father passed away in June of 2009, not even a year after the death of my mum. Everyone of my grans family were gone (Barr me) they were all gone, she still has two brothers and a sister but I wouldn't classify them as close family since we never see them, once a year, if that.

All that loss surrounding my gran makes me feel so heart broken for her, I can't begin to understand how she feels at all about any of it, but I can tell you that she has been nothing but strong. My Gran, Isabel, is the most bravest, amazing woman I know. And I am absolutely lucky to have her as my gran.



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15 comments

  1. I don't think we ever really get over loss. I think you just learn to live with it? Really sorry to hear about the losses you've had in your family lately :(

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    1. It's something that stays with you for life :( thank you!!

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  2. Time can ease the pain a little, but the hurt never truly goes away. I'm sorry for the heartbreak you and your Gran have had to endure.

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    1. It definetly doesn't take it away, we just end up being able to live with it. Thank you x

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  3. I don't know if you every really get over it... you learn to live with it, especially if you lose your mother. And when you become a mother it hurts again in a different way. Lots of love to you xx #BloggerClubUK

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    1. That's very very true! I now fear that my son will loose me too soon and it's a scary though to have! Thank you xx

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  4. Oh darling this is such an emotional
    Post. I can only imagine reading this how this must feel xx

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    1. Although I cried a few times whilst writing it, I felt I had to talk.about it because when I was younger I didn't see any stories that I could relate to or anyone else talking about it, so I wanted to have it out there, just on the off chance someone else reads it and knows it's normal to feel angry or frustrated with the situation x

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  5. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much of this. I too have lost my mother, but the most hurtful thing is that she is still alive, she just chooses not to be in my life. It's devastating.

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    1. I'm very sorry that you've had to go through that, I can only imagine how that must feel. Sending positivity your way!

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  6. This is a deep post. I don't think we ever really get over the loss of a loved one. Time helps but it doesn't heal completely. Sending you hugs.

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    1. It never truly goes away but it does fade. Sometimes I have days where I smile with the memories and then some I'll just break down. THANK YOU!

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  7. I'm so, so sorry to hear about all your losses. I never seem to believe that time heals, I just think time helps you to adjust. It definitely never gets rid of those feelings. This is such a moving and heartfelt post. I can't imagine losing my mum and what that must feel like or losing a little one. Those are two of the worst losses. Sending so many hugs xxxx

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  8. I'm so sorry for your losses. Time passes and you learn to deal with it but never actually get over it. I know I don't ever want to get over the people I've lost 😥

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  9. I'm so sorry that you have been through all this. Your Gran sounds like a very strong lady

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