Why I like to be positive

07:00:00


I've had some very unfortunate things happen in my life, things that could have completely broken me into pieces, things that have shaped some people into a completely different person (in a bad way) so now that I'm no longer living in that moment I want to spread peace and happiness. It's my way of saying, you know what life? You threw all this at me and I'm still standing here today, smiling, promoting love and kindness, so stick it!




I've lost most of my family, my mother being the main one and it broke me at the time. I was 15 and had no idea what was happening, how was it going to cope? I found my mum in her bed, stone cold, blue, lifeless and not speaking back to me. That changed me.

I've never had a father, he was out the picture by the time I was 4. On my 4th birthday, at my party he told me he would come, so I sat on the step outside the hall waiting on him coming, telling all those kids who teased me about not having a dad that today was the day that MY dad was going to show up, he was going to dance with me and play. He never showed because he was too busy out scoring some smack. That's the last I heard of him, until a very unfortunate Facebook argument where he slated my mum off.... not his best move.

Before I was three I nearly died at the hands of someone who was meant to love me, they tried to drown me and hurt my mum. Scum.

My mum and Gran were severely beaten, inches from death whilst my mum cradled me in her arms to protect me. I was sick, I couldn't sleep because of the neighbours blasting music so my mum kindly asked them to turn it down so I could rest. Half an hour later our door was booted down with my mum and Gran laying lifeless on the floor. They didn't even go to jail.


We moved from house to house when I was younger to escape some people who wanted to hurt my mum as she stopped my dad seeing me (with good reason) so I was never in the same place too long.

At age 14 I was raped. There, I said it. I've never actually wrote this down before and it feels both scary and liberating at the same time, but I was. He got away with it. The police didn't belive me & I was left feeling shattered and broken as a result. I acted out, I drank. I was 14, lost, empty, feeling ashamed and dirty. The police didn't belive me so I must be lying right? I actually wrote a full post on this to raise awareness. You can read it HERE.

In high school I was bullied about who I was, how I looked, my weight, for being different. I ended up being diagnosed with anorexia which sent my mind spinning because, well, me? anorexia? I was far too big to have that, I was too "fat", it's only skinny skinny people who get that right? False. There are so many misconceptions about it. I stopped eating, I hated food, I wouldn't look at food at all, it made me sick to think about a bite of an apple. It was a testing time for sure.

At age 15 I lost my mother. Again, I felt lost. I acted out.

At age 18 I had a miscarriage, it was horrible. I felt alone. Scared. Worthless. I couldn't even keep the life inside of me safe.

At age 19 I was beaten by my then boyfriend. I was Experiencing domestic violence. I didn't leave for 3 months. Eventually I did, scared, a shell, not myself and vowed never again.

Now? Now I have a beautiful son, I'm studying a uni course online. I'm a blogger. I'm a granddaughter. I have friends, I have a family. I have food. I have shelter. I have love. I have it pretty good. I am me.

After Experiencing so much hurt, anger, distress at the hands of other people I am ready for change. I am ready for positivity. I am ready to be me.

This is why I like to be positive, this is why I like to share the love and always promote kindness. Yes I have depression, yes I have anxiety and yes I have some issues that will always stay with me because of these events, but I am not the hurt. I am not the anger. I am not my MH. I will overcome it. And until then, I will keep being positive and spreading love.



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11 comments

  1. You're so incredibly brave for sharing this. You've been through so much and it's really inspiring that you're so determined to stay positive. I wish you all the best for the future xxx

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  2. Any one of these things would be hard enough to go through but I can't even imagine how you've got through them and still come out so strong and determined to better yourself. Your positivity is so inspiring!

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  3. You should be so incredibly proud of how far you have come. Thankyou for sharing your story, you have certainly put life in perspective for me today. You rock mama! Chloe

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  4. Wow this is so inspiring, you should be really proud of yourself, your son is one lucky little man so have such a brave, talented strong woman as his mummy :)

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  5. My heart broke for you reading about your past. But you're obviously a strong and brave woman to get over it - whole and like you said not broken. You have so much to be proud of! Sending virtual hugs. xx

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  6. Hi Jordanne, reading your post made me realise how lucky I am. Your attitude is inspiring and although staying positive cannot change your past, it can help stop your past changing you. I wish you only happiness and love for the future.

    xx

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  7. I am in awe of how well you've come out of the other side of all these terrible things. I agree, I am a person who prefers to be on the positive side. It's not easy, but it makes me happier. Your son will never lack love and an amazing mum to look up to and how could that not be a massive positive, hey? Lots of love x

    Kat x

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  8. I actually filled up whilst reading this. You should be so proud of yourself, of how you have risen above the negativity in your life and made both yours and your sons future a bright and positive one.
    Sending love and hugs to you x

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  9. You are very brave for sharing your story. It's very inspirational after all you have been through, it could have broke you. However you choose to be positive. I am sending you lots of love and positive energies.
    Love
    Shanel
    http://babblingonbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/multi-masking-with-7th-heaven-multi.html?m=1

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  10. I love this post because there are so many people young and old who are unhappy and feel stuck because of something that has happened in their past-Great to hear that you and your grandmother are choosing to be grateful in spite of all that you have been through.

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  11. I am sorry that you had to go through so much! But I do agree with your message; lets spread some positivity x

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