Wednesday, 14 December 2016

The Girl That Lied


*warning* 
This post contains talk about rape, sexual assault and being attacked. Please do not read on if this will be extremely upsetting. Thank you.



"See her over there? Yeah her, the one who's laughing with her Friends like she has no care in the world and always has a smile on her face? Yeah, she's obviously lied about being raped"

Powerful word to use right? Powerful statement to make.
I chose this as my opening statement because it's happened, it still happens, people STILL say this.

Let me break it down for you, some people, after experiencing such a traumatic event will ignore it. Will pretend it never happened and get on with their life. They will (try to) erase all memory of it and continue as normal, I know this because I done it. I done it for a short amount of time before I couldn't any longer and I went to authorities about it. There was "insufficient" evidence (The police weren't very interested in it if I'm honest) so it didn't go to trial and I was branded a liar. I was branded "that girl who lied" about such a horrible and disgusting act.

Some people I knew found out about it, a close friend betrayed my trust and spoke of my experience to others at a house party one night, laughing and joking about what I went through, claiming I was attention seeking as the attackers version was very different to mine. Although how could I be attention seeking when I didn't tell everyone? I told a select few who I thought were my best friends & I only told them because they knew something was wrong. I didn't scream it from the roof tops and I sure as hell didn't want everyone finding out, not at the time. I was scared, broken, a shell of my former self. I tried my best to hide the experience, some days I would have 3 showers just to feel clean again, I would drink alcohol in my room, alone, behind my mum and grans back. I would get drunk and fall asleep crying most nights.

My best friend, my best best best friend, didn't even find out, I'm still not sure she knows exactly what happened and I'm not sure I want her or anyone else to know all the details of that horrible October night. In my mind it's fresh, I can still see it all happening, I still vomit at the thought and I still try to numb everything when it gets really bad and the thoughts consume me. I feel like I should have gotten help for this, therapy, something, anything but I haven't and I don't know if I ever will.

I was that girl, who laughed, who still saw her friends and who still wanted to be as normal as possible but I was branded a liar, I was looked at with disgust and I never fully trusted anyone, with any sort of secret after that. I made sure no one knew my business because when someone you love betrays your trust it's horrible and heart breaking, especially when it's such a big secret, not theirs to tell.

One of the hardest things about the whole experience afterwards was I still had to see his face in bebo photos, in Facebook photos, passing in the street and many other occasions. It was a joke and he bragged to the high heavens about how he "got me" as a number on his list. His version of things differed greatly from mine, in his scenario I wanted it, I asked for it and I was willing. It was a joke. The truth was I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it and I screamed the whole time whilst being pushed down on my front with my head between a wall and a couch.

It kills me to write this, it's still painful to think about. I have scars in a place never dreamed I would have them, I feel ashamed and worthless when I feel the raised skin of where his nails ripped my skin off. But I think it's important to speak out, not only for myself, but for others because we must stand United, we must not let them win.
Now that I'm 24, 10 years after this incident I can finally say, I didn't deserve it, it wasn't my fault and I'm better than him. I am better than all those people who called it a desperate act to be popular, who didn't see that I never told anyone for attention and that it killed me inside.

Victims should never be blamed and I wholeheartedly understand why they don't come forward, fear. They fear judgement, ridicule, to be called a liar. To this day victims are questioned like they asked for it, justice isn't served and many attackers walk free. This world is unfair.

What makes it worse and really is pouring salt on the wound so to speak in my opinion, is when people DO lie about these sort of things, when after months of trying to convince people it happened they break down and say they lied or are 100% proven to be a liar. But even after these stories, I'll never judge someone who tells me they were assaulted, attacked or raped. I'll believe them because why would someone lie about it? I will always believe them & if in the end it is a lie, at least I never judged someone who could have actually gone through one of the worst things to experience,  who in more cases than none are telling the truth and I think that's how society should see it. I think we should all be aware that more times than not, they are telling the truth and do need help seeking justice.

My reason for writing this post is actually sparked from a story on Jeremy kyle where the daughter spoke out about being abused and her father was sent to jail but the mother didn't believe her and blamed her for ripping apart the family. It really struck a nerve with me because it's disgusting that her own mother would even suggest something like that. It got me thinking about being called the girl who lied and thus this post was created.

I'm sorry if this triggered you and I'm sorry if it was a hard read but I had to get my thoughts and feelings out there.


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30 comments

  1. Jordanne,

    I am so proud of you for writing this post, and so proud to call you a friend. You are such a strong lady and after all you have been through deserve the absolute world. 💓💓


    So proud of you!
    Cesca xxx

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    1. I am so blessed to call you a friend. You mean so much to me, more than you'll know xxx

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  2. Wow what a brave and emotional post! It is so wrong that people assume victims are lying about such a horrible experience, why anyone would ever lie about such a thing completely baffles me. You are so strong and this post is eye opening X

    Meg
    xMeganLisa.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting. It's horrible that victims are still ridiculed for such things! X

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  3. You are so brave. Sending love and hugs!

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  4. What a brave post 💜 I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially when you were so young (not that it's easier at any age). However you always seem so together and such a lovely person and mum, I hope you've achieved some closure and I'm glad you know you're so much better than one horrific experience.

    X

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    1. Thank you! I do really appreciate your words! So much! It's a horrible thing to go through but to see it still happening breaks my heart for others and it reminds me of why people don't come forward :( x

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  5. I am so proud of you for speaking out. You've helped others in doing so and made them realise they're not as alone as they feel. I am sorry that this happened to you. It kills me that people assume victims are lying and use the phrase "innocent until proven guilty" to defend there reasoning for assuming so. Sending you all my love xx leahhprescott.wordpress.com (it wont let me comment unless its anonymous)

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    1. I really appreciate this so much Leah! Thank you. It really does need to stop and people need to feel safe enough to come forward and tell their stories without fear.

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  6. I am so proud of you for writing this. So often people are labelled as liars without even being given the chance to defend themselves. What you have done is so incredibly strong and amazing and it is going to help so many people. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us

    Soph xoxo

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    1. Thank you honey, thank you so much xxx

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  7. Wow. So brace, so endearing, so bold. This was extremely powerful and I'm deeply sorry that this has happened to you my love. You're honestly inspiring so many people today with this post! You are amazing. Bless your soul.❤️️

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    1. Your words mean so much, thank you!

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  8. You're an incredible and such a brave person to get through that at only age 14. And to still be able to get through it now. I would love to give you a cuddle right now just so you could let all of the pain out!

    Www.kimberleyjessica.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much honey! It means a lot! Xxxx

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  9. I just read this and teared up. I have the upmost respect for you for having the courage to write about this. It's a really important topic and shows that people shouldn't be afraid to come forward about their experiences and to get help. Big love, Jordanne❤️

    - Chloe
    chloetommo.co.uk
    xoxo

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    1. Your words are so lovely, thank you so much! X

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  10. You're so brave for writing this post and I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's crazy how often victims are blamed because they're not acting like everyone expects them to but inside, they're fighting a losing battle. There was a girl in my school who was raped by her boyfriend when she tried to break up with him. After it came out, she had been spotted at a party having a good time so everyone automatically assumed it was a fabricated story. The guy committed suicide which she was blamed for. No one seemed to believe her at all despite the fact there were people who witnessed her being dragged into his house and heard her screaming.
    I'm so proud of you for how far you've come and for finding it in yourself to write this post. Hopefully it will inspire people to be more understanding when it comes to rape victims and won't automatically accuse them of making the whole ordeal up.

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    1. Thank you! It's horrible that victims are blamed like this and is very damaging. I hope that girl is okay though x

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  11. I am so proud of you for writing this post. Your truth is important. You are important. You're amazing! So brave. My heart is so heavy you had to endure this. You are going to inspire so many! Thank you for sharing something so personal, sending so many hugs! xx❤️

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    1. Thank you so very much it means a lot x

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  12. It's difficult to know what to say after reading something like this: I just want to say that I'm so proud of you for being so open and sharing your story with your readers.

    Big hugs!
    You are stronger than you know <3


    Charlene McElhinney
    @blogabtnothing1
    X

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    1. Thank you Charlene! It means so much! X

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  13. I am so sorry this happened to you. No one should experience this. I know the feeling of abuse And when people you trusted make a joke of it or don't care. You're honestly so brave and going to inspire others. I wish you all the best xxx

    Jasmine x
    www.jasminesimone.co.uk

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    1. Your words are so lovely, thank you so so much! X

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  14. Wow this was really strong. Like stunned. So brave x

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  15. This is such a brave post! I'm proud of you for sharing your story, it's difficult to know what to say after reading this. I can not believe people called you a liar, why would someone lie about an ordeal like this! I would never understand. By writing this, I'm sure your going to inspire many. Sending so many hugs lovely!

    Gemma | www.anoceanglimmer.wordpress.com

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