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Thursday, 5 January 2017

My world, my light, my life.



Most days I wish I had a mute button for my child, in fact, I wish I had a remote with a whole load of commands on it because some times (most of the time) my child is a screaming nut who never gives it a rest. My child moans about everything.... ABSOLUTELY everything and I just want to put my finger on his lips and shout "shhhhhhhh"


I love Leon to bits, I really do, he's my world, my everything and without him I would be lost, but damn does that boy know how to push buttons. He will scream at the top of his voice "me no like" or throw things over the stairs banister slightly missing my grans head.... even refuses dinner and throws a fit if cbeebies isn't on the TV.... my child is a down right brat at times and it kills me because I constantly think "what am I doing wrong?!"

I was that parent who never let a bad word slip in front of him, who would count to 10 and just let it go... Fast forward about 9 months and I've openly said "shit" or "for fuck sake" multiple times in front of him because my patience is wearing thin, especially when he attacks my gran by punching and kicking her. Where did my innocent little guy go?!

Leon has great manners, he's an angel when other people are around and to be honest, he's the perfect child when we have company but when you get my gran and myself alone with him, BOOM, different child altogether. I hate writing these sort of things, I mean, what parent would enjoy telling the world that their child hits and lashes out, having a tantrum about 8/9 times a day?

I try my best to discipline him, I really do and most of the time my methods work, like time out etc... but my gran has a habit of picking him up, telling him it's okay and cuddling him after I've spent the last 5 minutes being attacked by his toy cars and screamed at..... I love my gran, but she needs to listen to me when it comes to disciplining Leon, the fact that he does respond to the time out etc... shows me that he's capable but unwilling to deal with it. Well, when he's getting cuddles, kisses and more for bad behaviour why would he? Why would any child?

I know I am moaning, I know that I am "airing dirty laundry" a little bit, but I am frustrated, I feel defeated and I feel like a failure. I try and I try and I TRY my best. I want so much for Leon, I want to be able to take him on a day out without the added stress of him tantruming to the point that I even start to cry because he just doesn't listen and I fear he is going to hurt himself. 

I know parents out there tell you about their children being angels, about how amazing their little cherubs are and I think to myself... HOW?! Teach me your ways. I really enjoy reading parenting posts, I enjoy reading about others experiences etc... but sometimes I wonder how much of it is washing over their real life story... like the fact their child is amazing and goes to bed right on time, no tantrums at all during the day etc... If this is your child, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE! How on earth can this be true, how can this even be possible... I do understand that there are good days and bad days, Everyone has them so of course children do too.

 I want to write this post to highlight the fact that my life isn't perfect, my child doesn't fart roses nor does he spend the day quietly drawing in his room keeping everything clean, he is a child, he has emotions and he is learning as am I to cope with life as it is. I want others to know that it is ok to want to shout "FUCK" at the top of your voice daily, it is ok to feel like your child is the devil and it is ok to feel like you are drowning when everyone else seems to be a pro at this. What's not ok, as you will obviously know, is not hitting your child or putting them in any sort of danger etc... (I do realise you will know this and I in no way am suggesting you would do any of these things, but I fear someone will take my words the wrong way and assume I am condoning putting my child in danger etc...) I am simply voicing my frustration and I know there are others out there who want to be able to say these things. It's normal, It's life and it is some times challenging. 

I love my son with my whole being, I love him more than you could even imagine but some day's I need that remote that will shut him off. I need those few hours away from him. He is difficult, he doesn't listen and I am trying my best. One day I will have this parenting thing down (I hope) But for now I still have stressful days that are scattered between amazing experiences with my little guy. 



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3 comments

  1. Girl, I know how you feel. Mia has got to the stage where she knows where all my buttons are and she knows how and when to push them. If you get the info about pro-parenting please pass it on. Personally I don't believe there is a guide or manual to help with these things. At the moment I'm just telling myself that someday in the future this stage will pass and instead of her throwing a tantrum because I put her pens away she'd appreciate it. Haha.

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    1. If I ever get any hand books on this I'll send them straight over 😘 Because lord knows I need it too haha it's just this stage but I can't wait till it passes because omg, I don't need it ahahahaha

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  2. Still ok to feel the way because children can be hard work. You are not a failure too. All this doesn't make your u a failure because you are doing your best to discipline him to make him a better person in later life. Don't be too hard on yourself!

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