Wednesday, 3 May 2017

I'm not your property


When I put on a nice dress and do my make up to go out for the night I am NOT inviting you to grab my ass and kiss my cheek. When I'm having shots at the bar with my friends I am NOT inviting you to grab my waist and whisper in my ear. When I'm dancing on the dance floor to my favourite song I am NOT inviting you to spin me around and go in for a kiss. Despite what you think, I am NOT your property.


Lately I've seen an increase of men going in for the "kill", Grabbing women when they have no right to, trying to kiss them without permission, thinking that they are easy targets for their disgusting behaviour. We are only our own "property" not someone else's, ever, even after marriage or what ever other commitments you make, you are your own person, no one has the right to touch you without your consent and quite frankly I'm over this whole "it's only a joke" mentality that people seem to have now'a'days. These "men" should not be excused and women really need to stop brushing it off because the more that happens the more acceptable it's going to be to these people.

Now, I'm using women as an example here because I am a woman and I have personally gone through these scenarios but I do understand that this happens to men as well. Men touching men, woman touching men, men touching women, woman touching woman basically one person (or more) touching someone else without their consent is NOT ok and we need to ditch the whole "it's not a big deal" thing because it is.

Women are taught that if a guy touches you or grabs you that you should just ignore it, brush it off and get on with things because they are only men doing men things... NO. They are acting like animals, worse than animals and praying on the fact that we do brush it off, we do ignore it and we don't do a thing about it. We tell our friends, we joke about it and call they guy names and make a fuss about it to the wrong people instead to telling the guy to shove it and if he touches you again you'll be phoning the police.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an idiot and I don't have tunnel vision thinking it's all so black and white, I know that some situations are hard to deal with, we freeze, we react in different ways and the people we confront often react horribly. I was touched up on a bus once, cornered by three men who all sat around me whilst one tried to put his hand up my skirt and touch my hair, I froze, I was scared and I didn't know what to do so I sat there with tears in my eyes, I couldn't speak and all of a sudden a man came upstairs on the bus, he saw the situation, said hey to me as if he knew me and said come here, I've been looking for you. Naturally I got even more scared and confuses but I realised he was helping me get out of this situation, he took me off the bus at the next stop, called me a taxi and even gave me the money for it. I got home, told my gran, cried and then went to bed as if the whole thing never happened. You know what I should have done? Phoned the police as soon as I got off that bus, I should have gotten the bus license plate, told the driver, anything other than letting these three creeps get away touching a young woman, but I didn't because we are told to just deal with it, to let it go and be thankful nothing happened to us, but what if another girl got on the bus and they done it to her because I never done anything about It?

I've been in many situations like this, being grabbed whilst waiting in line to get my bag from the cloakroom at a gig, a man coming into the changing room whilst I just had my bra and tights on, a man smelling and touching me and my best friends hair on a bus, a man grabbing my ass in the line at the bar, a man rubbing up against me whilst waiting in the queue to get Into a gig, a man following me home and standing outside my house for a good 10 minutes... so many situations that I should have done something about but I never because that wasn't my first thought.

I used to work in a night club as a glass collector and one night I bent down to pick up a plastic cup on the dance floor and some guy grabbed my ass, I got a fright, jumped back and bumped into him spilling his drink, I apologised and offered to get him another whilst he shouted at me and tried to grab me again, I walked away and carried on with my job. At the end of the night my supervisor (who was a woman by the way) pulled me into her office where she told me she was docking my wages to cover that boys drinks for the rest of the night and to think about how I acted because be complained about me. I explained the situation and you know what she said to me? "You're there to do your job, a customer is always right and you could have cost us business" I told her to shove her job up her arse and I walked out, never went back. This was another woman telling me that I basically had to put up with being grabbed and that I  was the one In the wrong for him touching me.

Now at nearly 25 I've had all these encounters where I done nothing about it but I have also learned from these and changed my ways. I've had a man arrested for groping my boobs in a night club, I've phoned the police after seeing another girl being harassed at a bus stop, I've punched men for touching me (probably not my finest moment) but through it all I've realised that when I do something about it I feel much better about myself, I feel strong because I'm not intimidated by these people and I don't buy into the whole "boys will be boys" shite.

Instead of woman having to fend off these animals maybe we should be changing how society perceives encounters like this, instead if normalising this behaviour we should be incriminating it, doing more to show that this type of thing will not be tolerated at all and they need to back off. We are not their property, they have no claim over us so why do they think that they do? Why do these people think that grabbing someone or touching them or invading their personal space is even acceptable?

One thing that's very prominent with men who do these thing is that when they are rejected they tend to kick off and make the incident even bigger than it was, they seek out to humiliate the victim and fill their ego in front of their peers. They don't want to take a dent In their almighty manhood so must compensate somehow and they do that by making a spectacle of the victim, it's disgusting. Woman don't know how to react in these situations and I totally get that but my advice? Seek help. Look for a security guard, phone the police, look for another member of the public, just don't let these people get away with it but also asses your situation, go with your gut.

It's really disheartening that women are made to feel like they are to blame if a guy kicks off after being rejected rather than the man just accepting the no and moving on, it's so blooming easy to just walk away rather than making a scene. Women, well, no one should ever feel like they have to make up an excuse to someone when they are getting unwanted attention like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm a lesbian" it's horrible to know that if I go on a night out and someone tries to touch me up saying that I have a boyfriend has more standing than simply telling them No. When will this stop? Will I ever feel safe when I'm at the bar crowded by men? Will I ever not look over my shoulder when I'm on my own? I don't know, I doubt I'll ever feel like that and it makes me sad. I know I'm not the only woman who feels like this, there are plenty of us out there who hate these stupid situations.


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6 comments

  1. I feel horrified that three men did that to you and that it wasn't the first time for you to be grabbed and touched without invitation. I feel this subject needs to be discussed more, so more people realise it's not acceptable. Men need to teach boys how to behave correctly. I admire you for sharing your experiences so openly. The world needs more strong women like you.

    Holly xx

    http://heyitsok.co.uk

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    1. It was such a horrible experience when they kind of cornered me but I'm glad I was able to get out of that situation, it could have been so much worse. This really does need discussed more tbh! I'm sick of the whole boys will be boys mentality.

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    2. It was such a horrible experience when they kind of cornered me but I'm glad I was able to get out of that situation, it could have been so much worse. This really does need discussed more tbh! I'm sick of the whole boys will be boys mentality.

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  2. You've highlighted some important points here and I think you was right to quit the job!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, it was shocking that the supervised would even think like that!

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    2. Thank you so much, it was shocking that the supervised would even think like that!

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