Diary of a young Carer; Entry 2

Entry 2; Why does she have to shout?

I'm not sure how or why mum got the idea of creating her own fireplace, well I do know, she found a stand alone fireplace in a skip that looked like new, just needed a little refurbishing is all. She made gran  go with her to collect it & they had to walk about 2 streets to get it home. I can't believe she actually done that. So we went to b&q so that she could get some paint or something for it, she's now decided to get a spray that comes out textured, the colour is actually really nice, so hopefully this keeps her happy for a few days.

Again no school. Mum wants me to stay home again because she's scared to be alone, she keeps saying the man is going to come, so here I am, sims on the play station and mum is in the end room doing the fireplace thing. She seems fine now but I can't leave, not yet anyway.

B is coming over to stay tonight, his mum is dropping him off and he is staying for 2 nights whilst they go on holiday before he goes to his grans to stay. It's nice to have him here, mum made sure we set up the spare bed for him though, don't know kW why she won't let him sleep in my room, we won't do anything. I need to shower then make mum some lunch and give her, her medication. Hopefully tonight's a good night.
Last night was not a good night. I didn't shower after all but I made mum some French toast for lunch, I asked her before I made it and she said she wanted it but then when I brought it to her she refused it and shouted at me for making it. I tried to give her some of her pills but she threw them across the floor. I tried again and again but she kept refusing until I broke down and started crying, so eventually she had them, I didn't realise at the time but she took 3 extra diazepam than she's meant to, I left a note for gran under her pillow to let her know. B came over around 5:30 and mum was still working on the fire place. When gran came home they took it out into the close drying area to finish it off with the spray. I could hear some shouting but I wasn't sure what it was at, probably them two having a fight again.

Mum and Gran were in and out the whole night, I got to 10 and B and I decided to go to sleep so he went to the spare room and I went to sleep. I was woken up by my mum screaming for me to come and see the new fireplace so I had to get up. She knows I have a big art exam tomorrow so I really do need to sleep. I went to the hall and mum and Gran were placing the fireplace down, it actually looked really nice and I was proud of mum for doing that. It really looked textured, as if it was all grainy but it was nice. Since mum and Gran had been touching it I wanted to feel it and see if it was grainy. I didn't know it was still wet so when I touched it, I made a little finger mark. Mum wasn't happy.

Mum screamed and shouted in my face telling me how stupid I am while gran told her to stop. B came out the room to just go back in and close the door again. Mum was shouting so bad she was spitting in my face. I screamed back telling her to stop while I cried but that only made her worse, gran tried to pull her away but it didn't work as gran is tiny compared to mum. I told her it was an accident and I didn't mean to be so stupid and that I was sorry, I really didn't mean to do it and I said I'd fix it but that didn't work. Mum shoved me into my room and I fell over my bin, she screamed at me then slammed my room door shut. I don't know how but she turned off the power to my lights in my room. I tried to open my bedroom door but it wouldn't open and I still don't know why. I could hear my gran and mum arguing whilst I was in the room and my gran crying. Mum was slamming things and shouting really loud. I cried and cried until the door went. I don't know what time it was but it was late. The police had been phoned but as usual mum talked her way around it. She came into my room afterwards and told me not to be so fucking stupid next time because look what I caused, I made the police come and nearly take her away.

As I write this I'm still in bed, I'm not at school and I'm missing my art exam. I just want to be anywhere but here right now. I haven't seen my gran since last night and B left first thing with his stuff so I don't think he will be back. He's not answering my texts.

*I have used initial for name for privacy reasons and this is shortened down with some sentences missing here and there due to handwriting being unreadable. But as always, these are taken from my actual diary*

Follow me on; Instagram | Twitter Facebook | Bloglovin  |  Youtube

No comments

Post a comment