It's just words, right?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. They are just words, right? They can't hurt us, not really...

Disclaimer, Swearing ahead.

Growing up I was taught that words shouldn't hurt you, but I guess that's a thing parents say right? Now that I'm a parent I can't help but go into the mind set of "their words can't hurt you" & " they only have as much power as you give them". But, I know all too well that 99% of the time, that's not true, It's complete bullshit if I'm honest, words can hurt way more than any sticks or stones could. 

It scared the hell out of me, about how I'm going to approach this subject with little bear is old enough to be going through the name calling stages with peers, because I'm pretty sure I can't go scream at a bunch of 4 year olds.... That's just not acceptable so I'm scared as fuck about this new chapter of dealing with my child being bullied (which I am in the middle of dealing with)

stock photo for depression from - black and white photo of a child with head in hands.

Right now I'm in a panic, the reason I'm thinking about bullying today is because my son keeps telling me someone is hitting him. I'm not amused in the slightest and my first reaction is to go and rip their heads off because how dare they bully my son, one of the most caring little souls out there. Little bear can be a little shite at times, I know that, but what 3 year old isn't? He's experimenting with pushing the boundaries and seeing where mummys "limit" is, but when he's not throwing woody across the living room or demanding I come to the bottom of the stairs just so he can win to the top whilst screaming his head off, he's actually a pretty chill little guy. He loves playing with this dinosaurs and soldiers. His best friend is mummy and the cat. He kisses me when I'm sick and makes sure my grans always comfy, He's thoughtful and so polite and he's a little bit of a push over.

He's 3, he's making friends and learning about life but he also never tells on anyone who's hurting him and he won't cry in front of others, not unless he's tired and cranky. Leon would let someone punch lumps out of him and still offer them some sweets, he's just like that and it kills me that he won't just tell his nursery teacher. 

He comes home with stories about a little boy punching him but calls him his best friend in the same sentence, he had a black eye the other day! Inside I'm fuming, I'm ready to kick that nursery door down and drop kick a few little fuckers but I know that's not the way (and I would never harm a child!) But my inside monologue goes wild with imagination. Dealing with all of this at the minute has really stirred up some old feelings about bullies and that's why I want to talk about it today. 

One thing I know I do is that I care what other people think, I care so deeply about how others see me or what they will say about me that I almost forget that my opinion is the only one that matters or at least it should, I shouldn't give a fuck what anyone has to say about me. In the words of the queen herself, Ru Paul (quoted from her mama) "unless they paying your bills pay them bitches no mind" and it's true, they don't do shit all for me so why do I let others opinions effect me so much?

Throughout school I was bullied for being too fat, too tall, not tall enough, too much butt, too much boobs, not enough boobs, not pretty enough, too weird, too different and so much more. 

Their words cut me deeper than any knife ever could because although I got hurt physically, their words stayed with me for years and I've forgot what it feels like to have my nose broken, but I'll never forget how it feels to be told I'm not worth life. I carried their opinions of me on my back like some sort of torture device, reminding myself every day that I wasn't good enough. People lie when they say words can't hurt you because to me they are one of the worst weapons to posses and the worst thing about it is any fucker can have them.

stock photo for depression from - black and white photo of a woman with head in hands.

One sentence can push someone to kill themselves. One word can make someone self harm. A text can send someone off the deep end. We live in a day and age where everything is so accessible (thanks technology) that you can't even escape the bullies anymore, they follow you about where ever you go, one DM or text at a time.

Words have so much power in them and some people don't even realise it. A bully having a mental note book worth of insults picking on someone who isn't in the right frame of mind is like handing a loaded gun to a serial killer and giving him the target, it's dangerous. I've read so many stories online and in the paper about teenagers who have committed suicide because of bullies, people who are on trial for coaxing someone into killing themselves, about 8 year olds bullying people though text, It's madness! 

In primary when I was bullied I felt safe in the knowledge that once I left school, I left my bullies behind for another day. I could use the sick card and swerve having to be taunted for 6 hours out of the day but now, with social media being such a big influence on everyday life, the bullies can follow you anywhere and they don't even have to go to your school, they could be on the other side of the world!

Bullying isn't just physical, in fact I hear less and less about physical bullying these day and more about mental and emotional abuse. More and more campaigns are being set up to help drive home the fact that bullying is not ok and should never be tolerated but I hear about them more than ever now, there are more stories I see in the media about a teenage suicide or a victim of bullying going through horrible things. It's 2017 and we still have to worry about children attending school, about bullies in the work place, about pathetic fucking scum bags who want to make people's life hell.

stock photo for depression from - black and white photo of a woman with head in hands.

Bullying is not ok. I'll never stop campaigning for bullying to come an end. I love heart warming stories about class mates rallying around their peers to help them, about the teachers who have a zero tolerance to it going on in their schools. I have talked about schools a lot here and that's because it's what I've experienced but it's just as bad out with. 

I have also experienced bullying online, when I was a teenager there were a few girls I knew who started a 'bebo' page dedicated to talking shit about some people from the area and I was one of them, I would read comments about how fat I looked, about what they would do to me if they had the chance and it was sickening. I can't believe that people actually do this, what is going on in their lives that they have to target others and rip them apart just to feel good? It's such a waste of energy and time. 

Ok so you don't like someone, that's fine! No one is going to be liked by everyone but the people who are the bullies don't have to make someone's life hell, it's not a rule of life that you must pick people apart to feel good about yourself.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say in this post other than words fucking hurt. Dismissing this is just reckless and down right irresponsible. When someone comes to you with a problem like this don't tell them "it's only words, they can't hurt you" No, fuck that! because you really have no idea how much they are going through. 

I'm at a point in my life when I care less about what others think but I have no doubt that words could still hurt me, I'm just a little more thick skinned now. I'm older and wiser about it all but I worry about my child, about what he might have to go through.

I do want to apologise for swearing in this post, that's not my usual style but I felt the need to say exactly what came to mind whilst writing this because I can't stand bullies, I can't stand people who think it's ok to push someone to kill themselves.

If you ever need to talk to someone about bullying or mental health or anything for that matter, then here's some helpful information. Don't be silent, get help because your life is too precious on this earth for us to loose another beautiful soul. 

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Pinterest image with a colourful paint background and white writing saying "it's just words right" on it.


  1. Oh, Jordanne, I've had this post bookmarked all day and have come back to read it several times. It’s the most beautiful piece of writing. Please don't apologise for the swearing, this comes from the heart. I'm so sorry Leon is going through this and I would completely share the impulse to drop kick any little brats if Flora were in the same position (like you, in my head, not IRL). I was bullied at school (although nothing as extreme as the abuse you experienced) and I can still remember how devastated I felt. Words have far more power than any sticks or stones. This is why books have been burned throughout history, to try and negate their influence. You are an amazing writer and I hope others read what you say about life being too precious to lose, you are absolutely right. X

    Lisa |

  2. I feel my words are insurmountable for this post - i want to say so much but you've left me speechless. Truly. I can relate so much it's painful, the power of words is such a gift but also the biggest curse in our society, especially now that words are so easy to deal out (social media for one, with trolling and also personal level messaging). It's like we're in a storm of words we can't escape, We can't wrap ourselves in a bubble or wear a shield as you would a weapon. They're EVERYWHERE.

    Gosh i probably don't make sense with this, but i guess i wanted to empathise and also say IT'S OKAY to be angry. It's GOOD to be angry, in fact, because that incites change and wanting to make a difference! I do believe the world can, if enough people want it. We need more voices like you xx

    Bumble & Be

  3. This post is incredible and really hit home for me, being a mother like you and with Mia just starting nursery I dread going to pick her up and being told someone has been hurting her, or she telling me someone hit her, and I'm so sorry Leon is going through that.
    I was bullied in school and I got all the words thrown at me that it actually drove me to suicide but thankfully I had teachers who stood by me and kept me up that now I do not tolerate bullying. It's a weak trait of some people who think they're big and smart for picking on some of the nicest, kindest souls in the world. I totally agree with you bullying I think needs to be spoke about more, it's just as important as every thing else in the world. xx

  4. Aww hearing about your little boys bullying is breaking my heart, I can't imagine what it's doing to you as a mum. Bullying is the absolute worst thing, people do it purely to make themselves feel better while making someone else's life hell, I often wonder how people would feel if they knew what their actions did to those they were bullying.
    Have you been to speak to the nursery? I would hope they would make a move to stop the behaviour. Also there's a possibility whoever the child is they may be doing it to more than just Leon.
    I am so sorry you had to go through that online bullying, it's utterly horrendous what people will do to each other. I was bullied at school, and was attacked after school by people who bullied me, once had a huge chuck of my hair ripped out as someone dragged me down an alley - thankfully I was saved by some of my elder cousin's schoolmates who heard me screaming. I missed lots of time off school as a teen and I know now that it affected my grades - I wish I could back and redo things.
    I will be praying for Leon and for you that his bullying can be stopped quickly. Hopefully it doesn't stop him being his sweet little self. Good Luck. xx

  5. It's never just words. Words can cut so much deeper than physical pain or violence. I'm so, so sorry that your little ones are being bullied. It makes my blood boil that children can be so cruel and it's part of the reason I'm truly terrified to have my own kids. I just couldn't bare it and I don't know what I'd do to protect them (i.e I don't think I'd be invited back to talk to the other parents, somehow).

    Sending much love!

  6. Jordanne, I've already faced that with my son while he was in 2nd standard. I was so pissed I went to the school for a face-off with whosoever I met. Nonetheless, I got cooled by the Princi who assued me the teachers would be directed to take care. Then my son's seat in the class was changed and that changed things for him slightly. Don;t worry. That's a phase but sure, don't let it go unnoticed by the teachers.