Time For Change

*I Took this photo for part of my college assignment but I love it*

When I love, I love fiercely. When I care, I care more than words could ever explain. When you're my friend, I got your back no matter what. I always put other people first, above my own needs, my own mental health, I don't like letting people down because it's not in my nature and you better believe that if I do end up letting someone down that no one could make me feel as bad about it as I do myself. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, always being too trusting and letting the wrong people in but if 2017 has taught me anything, its that not everyone has your best interests at heart at not everyone who say's you're their friend, really means it. 

2018 is a big thing for me in so many respects. This is the year I put me first, I take better care of myself, I remove the toxic people and move on, never looking back. Sometimes it's hard trying to change old habbits, it can be really scary stepping out of your comfort zone but I think it's worth it if you can let go of all the negativity. 

My whole life my grans told me I need to be a little less trusting of who I let into my life because I go through the same thing over and over again with the exception of a few people. I'll get friends, we will get close, I'll be so trusting and let them fully into my life and then they leave, they leave with no warning and I'll never hear from them again until they want something. Too many times old "friends" have done this, they dropped me so fast only to come back to me saying they had no one else left for them, that they have no friends and need me, but of course I'm that silly person who let's them back in for it to happen all over again. 

This year I am saying no more to that, it has to stop because to be quite honest I really can't be bothered to let new people in, take a part of me and leave again, I'm past it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's it, I swear off making any new friends and I won't talk to anyone anymore, no. Instead I will be being much more picky, I'll be being more guarded with myself. The thing is, it's not just me anymore, it's my son. People walk in and out of his life which isn't fair and I thought it would be ok because it's not like I am introducing him to mummys boyfriend/girlfriend or something like that, he was getting to know friends who swore they would be there for me though everything but in my darkest times they left with no explanation only to reappear when it served them.

For so long I have wondered what's wrong with me. I wondered why I am always the one left on their own picking up pieces. I always think about why I'm not liked or why I can't just get the same courtesy back that I give. I really have spent too much of my life wondering what's wrong with me and why everyone always leaves me out that I just need a change. The time for change is now. I have to lift myself up, give myself the love I give to others and make sure I am a priority. 

To everyone who's ever made me feel worthless, not deserving of life, who hasn't been there for me the way I have for them. To the people who took a piece of me and left. To the people who liked the title of the friendship but didn't want to put in the hard work, to everyone who has ever entered my life and left again. I forgive you. I can't harbour resentment anymore or hold onto the negativity and let it eat away at me. It's done now, I can't change the past so I must let it go. I must grow from this and leave it all behind. 

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  1. Great post! As the quote goes 'stop crossing oceans for people that won't even jump a puddle for you' :) x

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! That's such a fantastic Quote.

  2. Oh darling, I'm so sorry to hear that you've had a bad time. If you ever need someone I am always here for you. I love how honest and open you are in this blog post as it must have taken a lot to be able to bare all to all of your readers. I'm sending you so much love and positive vibes πŸŒΈπŸ’—✨

    With love, Alisha Valerie. x
    www.alishavalerie.com | www.twitter.com/alishavalerie

    1. Thank you so much for commenting! Such a lovely comment and I really appreciate it. Thank you xx

  3. Oh no Jordanne I'm so sorry people have treated you like this. I'm happy that you're moving on from them. I've always thought, if they're people who pretend to me your "friend" and never need you, you don't need them. That's an awesome photo.

  4. Good for you! Ain't nobody got time fo' dat! Good luck to you in 2018 - concentrate on the people that are really worth it and yourself <3
    And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your "I've been featured" blog badge :)

  5. Girl, you've got this!

    I used to be the same as you and people just LOVE taking advantage of someone who genuinely cares too much. Once you start to harden up a bit it'll do you the world of good and help you get rid of that nasty guilt when you have no choice but to let someone down. It's really tough but totally worth it.

    Chanel | gingechanel.com