Sorry, not sorry

I'm past the days of saying sorry for something that I shouldn't have to be sorry about, and you should be too.

I've said sorry more these past few months than I've said in my entire life, or that's how it feels. My anxiety has been through the roof, I've always suffered form aniext but since around April it seems to have gotten a whole lot worse. My depression has also reared its ugly head l, ever since I had a miscarriage. It felt like a never ending battle in my head but now I feel I've over come the worst of it. Because I've been feeling like this I've seen an influx of "sorry" coming out of my mouth.

When I have bad mental health days and I've been inactive, I say sorry. When my anxiety takes over and I can't do something, I say sorry. I say sorry a hell of a lot and I'm getting sick of it. I've had some reflection lately and I've came to the conclusion that I don't have to be sorry anymore. I'm allowed to take personal days, I'm allowed to be quiet on social media and I'm allowed to not want to do something. Yes, I do feel guilty when I don't reply to people etc... but do I really need to say sorry all of the time?

I'm trying to adopt the behaviour of being more positive with my replies to people I've maybe not gotten back to after a week, instead of saying sorry I'm trying to say "thank you for being patient whilst I've been away" because at the end of the day I've nothing to be sorry for. This may sound rude some people, the fact that I won't be saying sorry for not replying in a timely manner but I shouldn't feel ashamed that I took personal time, I shouldn't feel sorry that I've put myself and my mental health first, should I? We live in an age now where everything is digital, we communicate through the internet and texts etc... it's always with us, we have it on our phones, laptops, tablets and more so it's always at our fingertips. It can be hard to take that time away, trust me, I know. When you have a blog to run, a business, a YouTube channel and more, it can feel like we are letting people down but I've personally found that when I talk to others they are generally understanding and don't get why I'm saying sorry because it's not like I've done anything particularly horrible, so what I take a few days to reply, is that really the end of the world?

I've always been someone who gets quite anxious when I don't reply for a few days, then those few days turn into a week which in turn, goes to a month and so on. I can't help it, it's not something I choose to live with and I NEVER do it on purpose, i have no reason to. So why do I feel the need to constantly apologise for something that I genuinely cannot control at times?

I know there are others out there who feel the same way, I've talked with other bloggers who feel the need to apologise when they haven't done anything wrong. This got me to thinking, does sorry really mean as much now? Or is it a word we throw about because we can't give ourselves a break? I'm now at a point where I really don't feel the need to apologise for doing my own thing anymore, it's dragging me down and I'm so over this idea of having to say I'm sorry because I wasn't online for a few days. Yes, I love the online community and I love being a part of it but I also love living my life free of social media, when I think about it, when I really think about it, I much prefer putting my phone down for a couple of hours and living in the moment because that's what gets me through. It's all about balance at the end of the day, making sure you give yourself as much time offline as you do online.

It's very easy to get swept up in other people's content and not feel good enough (more on this in another post) so I think it's only right that we take our time to reflect and remember what's good in our own lives, we need to make time for us, we need to stop apologising because we decided to have some "me" time. I see it on Twitter all the time, bloggers/Youtubers etc... putting out tweets apologising for not being around that day or for not putting out content. Now these don't annoy me in the sense I'm annoyed at these people saying it but I am annoyed at these people saying it, myself included. I'm annoyed because we are at a point that we feel we have to justify ourselves to others, that we feel like we have let people down by not putting a post up or being around 24/7 to answer questions etc.... It's madness! How about we stop letting ourselves down? How about we make more time for us and stop saying sorry for something that's out with our control. Let's not be sorry anymore for taking a personal day, for going on holiday and actually staying away from social media, how about we start using positive language like "thanks everyone for being patient with me whilst I've been away, I'll get back to you when I can" or "I had a lovely break from social media but now I'm back to smash it!"

I think if we start using more positive statements etc... then we will get in a better habit and stop being so down on ourselves because I don't know about you, but when I constantly feel like I have to say sorry, it puts me off coming on social media in the first place because I know I'm going to have to apologise for taking a while to reply to people. It's like a vicious cycle at times, I come online, I feel like I have to say sorry, I don't want to say sorry because I'm not actually sorry for putting myself first, I apologise anyway and then I dissapear because I'm mentally draining myself... WHEN WILL IT END?

So I'm taking a stand, I'm no longer apologising in situations where I don't need to. If someone can't understand that my family and my mental health come first, then that's on them and they can't be the right person to have in my life in the first place.

Let's stand together and banish this attitude of being sorry when we don't have to be. Let's just cut ourselves some slack, we deserve it!

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  1. I totally agree with this post! I love that you're spreading positivity and I definitely think that if we ourselves start to be more positive it'll become a habit and we'll stop being so down on ourselves all the time! Great post :)

    Anika |

  2. I totally agree with you! I see it so often, where bloggers or people on Instagram are saying sorry for taking a day off... just one day. It's crazy to think we all feel we need to, when in reality, most people are (or at least should be) glad you've put yourself and your needs first.

    Em x

  3. This is such an amazing post Jordanne. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I really relate to this a lot. Every single word that you wrote, spoke to me on a deep level. I've come to the same realization as you did, and I am no longer saying sorry for things I'm not actually sorry for. Great post xxx

    Melina |

  4. YES! See, THIS was what I was talking about today: I've seen such a change in you this past couple of months, this recognition that you deserve to be treated with respect and admiration - not least by yourself. That re-framing of things in positive language that you talk about, it almost sounds silly but it really makes a huge difference. I'm glad that it's having that effect for you too.

    You are great, and I admire you hugely.

    Lis / last year's girl x

  5. Thank you so much for this post! I needed to read this as I've been the same way. :)

  6. You are so right, it is unnecessary to apologize for not being online or responding back quickly. Last month I wrote a post similar to this basically saying "I'll get to it when I get to it" referring to how I need to live life on my own time schedule and take pressure off myself. You're right saying sorry does lower your self-esteem because you feel like you said something wrong. I'm happy I came across this post because it has definitely cleared my mentality on over using the word "sorry". Nice content!

    Natonya |

  7. This is such a great topic for a blog post, so honest and so relatable! I often end up saying sorry so much too, the guilt with the anxiety is bad! So sorry for your loss. However, that’s great that you are taking a different approach. A lot healthier and more positive for you! I am definitely going to try this as well. Thank you for sharing ����
    Lauren |

  8. YES to everything you wrote. There is no need to be sorry for practicing self-care and self-love. And I love the idea of keeping your answers on the positive instead of the apologetic. Language and the way we use it is important.

  9. This is such an inspiring post - inspires me to stay positive. onwards and upwards!