I have a 5 year old?!

I can't quite believe that I am sitting here, writing a post on how I have a 5 year old?! I can't quite wrap my head around this, I still feel like he's a baby! I look back on those days where the only place he would sleep was in my arms and I tear up a little. My little baby boy is growing up and I couldn't be prouder of the young man he's turning into. 

It feels like just yesterday I was laying in a hospital bed, gazing down upon my new born who was fast asleep. I was scared, so so scared because I had no idea what the future held for me. What kind of mum would I be? What would his personality develop into? Would he like trains? Cars? Barbies? None of these things mattered to me, I couldn't care less what toys he played with or what kind of child he would be, all I knew was that I was beaming with pride at the tiny human I was now responsible for looking after. There's something completely terrifying about having to raise another little human, for being completely responsible for them in every way, shape and form. I had no idea what the future held but I knew one thing, my little guy was loved beyond words and I was in awe of his presence. 

Here we are, 5 years later and I'm still in awe of him. My little guy makes me proud every single day, little bear is progressing so well despite all he's been through at such a young age. It really pains me to say that every year since he's started nursery that he has been bullied, it's an awful thing for anyone to go through and you really don't expect it to happen in nursery. I have fought so hard for him to have peace in nursery, a place where he should be excited to go to, where he learns, grows and develops more. Luckily he is in a better place now and that shows, I have my happy little guy back who is full of excitement and can't wait to tell me about his day. I really never knew just how strong the instinct is to protect your own, becoming a mother has helped me grow into an even better person, it's a change I wasn't expecting but I am so proud of how far I have come these past 5 years. 

Being a parent is one of the best things to happen to me, if not the best. Every day I look at his smile and my stomach fills with butterflies, I don't think I'll ever grow tired of it. Parenthood comes with all sorts of struggles, there's so much people don't tell you! When you're getting advice or people are telling their stories you don't hear about the snot that gets wiped on you just as you're reaching for a tissue, or the horrible green vomit that gets hurtled on you when you least expect it, or having to go through the stage where they just want to eat their boogers and nothing else. Going through this experience has taught me that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. I see people and I think they are totally killing it and when I talk to them I soon realise they have the same problems as myself. Sometimes it's ok to go to Mcdonalds for dinner because you're too exhausted to cook, it's ok to put on their favourite film so you can get 10 minutes of peace for a cuppa, it's ok to want to put your head in the sand and disappear. There will be times where your patience is tested, you'll say things you regret, you'll behave in a way you would never have imagined and you'll beat yourself up constantly asking yourself, "Am I good enough"? but just know that you are, you are more than enough and all your little one wants is your time, they want you and to them you are perfect. 

I've experienced the "I hate you", the "I'm leaving" as he tries to pack a bag, the "you never let me do anything" and loads more but at the end of the day, my little guy always climbs into bed with me and cuddles. It's the best feeling ever knowing that they love you so much and them knowing just how much you love them, even if it doesn't feel like that sometimes. These past 5 years have taught me so much but most of all, it's taught me that I am stronger than I ever imagined, I have kept a tiny human alive thus far and I can't wait for the next 5, ok, maybe I can, I just want him to stay small forever! 

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  1. Hey there!

    This is such a lovely blog and you are so right! You don’t hear about the crappy things that mothers have to go through until you really sit down and talk to them. Everyone is just doing the best that they can and somehow it works out.

    You are a fantastic mother and he is lucky to have you. You are also so blessed to have him. Such a sweet kid.

    Christine XX

  2. Awww I loved this. Reading posts like this always make me even more excited to become a momma one day xx


  3. I loved reading this post! You are a fantastic mamma bear, and he’s so lucky to have you.

    Em x


  4. This is such a sweet post.
    My little guy will be 12 weeks old tomorrow. I just hope I remember to cherish each moment with him as he grows and not be too focused on what it will be like in the future. I just want to soak all of him in at each stage of his little life.
    Thanks for sharing this and a Happy (late) Birthday to your little man. :)