What Makes You Successful?

It's a constant struggle in my head, I can't decide where I'm going or what I'm doing, will I be stuck like this forever?

I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind recently, I feel like I'm not succeeding, like my life is going to waste and I'm not doing a darn thing about it.  I feel like I'm letting myself down in a way, I'm 26, nearly 27 and I don't have my life all figured out. It's leaving me in a panic, is this normal? Other people seem to have their life sorted out, they seem put together, so why am I not? Have I really wasted that many years of my life? I'm getting genuine fear thinking about these questions. I remember when I was a teenager I always thought I would be coming up for 30, with my own little house and white picket fence with a child, some cats, a dog, a career and thought I would be killing it,  turns out I'm coming up for 27, I have my child, our little home didn't work out and I don't have a career, when you put it that way, I sound like I drink about 4 glasses of wine a night to keep me ticking over hahaha but seriously, it's not what I envisioned for myself at all. I thought I would be successful.

It's been very much doom and gloom in my head space these past few months with all these unfounded worries. There's this ideal portrayed to us as we grow up that women and men in their late 20s have life figured out, they are living the high life with their career, being a boss lady, owning their own company, becoming a medical genius, a well known author, a celebrity stylist and the list goes on, it's like if you don't have your life figured out by now then you might as well kiss goodbye to any hope you had and start buying those fluffy slippers in bulk and adopting all the cats because it doesn't get much better from here. Well, that's what happens right?

But something clicked inside me after I had a pretty intense self loathing session, picture this;

I was in my baggy pjs, you know the ones, with the hole in the crotch but they are TO darn comfy to bin so you make sure your lady parts aren't on show or you wear pants but let's be honest, pj's don't go with pants so you skip the pants and have a mini heart attack whenever someone is near you in case they see all your glory; and I was wearing my lovely oversized "because I'm grumpy" t-shirt with the coffee stain, and random mini hole above the right boob, the t-shirt that my son thinks is a better option than a tissue, yeah that t-shirt and I had on my big cosy socks from Primark that I get every Christmas. Along with this beautiful ensemble my hair was in a high bun, you know the cute one all the top Insta models wear that make them look extra cute? That bun, except my bun resembled more of a pineapple shape and just made me look like a feral mother who is on the hunt for the toy that's talking on its own at 3:30am and you scare your child because they think you look like the bogeyman  coming to steal them (this actually happened and for a month little bear would cry anytime he seen me with the high bun in haha it was so funny yet so traumatising for that poor boy)

Anyway, I though I would give you all a visual of what I looked like the night I realised I'm not a huge mess. I know, who would have thought it? I was looking like literal garbage when I realised my life wasn't down the toilet, how ironic. After stressing for so long about not having my shit together, I came to the conclusion that no, my life isn't some big heap of rubbish, I'm actually living it up, I have an absolutely amazing life! Yes it's different from what I envisioned all those years ago but you know what? We change, we grow, we are allowed to create our own happiness and mould a world that resembles it. We choose what successful means, we choose what boss babe means, we choose who is inspirational and who isn't. It's not down to others to measure our success because their ideal of success may not be the same as yours, you could think having 2 dogs is the absolute dream and your best friend could think having 40 is the dream, does that mean because you only have 2 dogs that you're less successful? Does that mean you're not a good person? Does that mean you don't have any aspirations? NO! No it does not, it means you are both different and that's ok.

I think we need to emphasise more that success isn't measured by the same thing for everyone, we are ALL going at our OWN pace and that's perfectly fine. Forget what Samantha thinks is successful and focus on what you think. Don't get yourself down because Becky is buying a house and your aren't, don't beat yourself up over Alan getting a promotion and you haven't, remember, you define success in your life, not anyone else, YOU. Once I got this through my brain it opened up a whole new world of possibilities! Once I stopped limiting myself to the social constructs of what makes someone successful, I started to live again.

I Don't know if you will have noticed or not, but on social media I've completely seen a change in my attitude. I always Write a little check in thing on Instagram where I'll talk about my day or how I feel and for a while there I was starting to really get myself down, I felt awful that I was always in a negative mood,  but I just felt like I had to vent; but over the past few weeks, since I started looking at life differently, I've noticed my mood improve. I'm much more positive now, I feel genuinely happy when I see my peers smashing their goals, I love seeing others achievements now rather than dreading them because they made me feel so low. That wasn't a reflection on them, but on me, it was me who saw this as me failing, it was me who took it as a big eff you, it was me who was attaching and projecting all my negative feelings about myself onto someone else's achievement. To not feel sad or hopeless now when I read good news is amazing, it has genuinely opened up my mind.

I know this has turned into a long winded post, it's almost like a chapter of a book haha well, that's what it feels like! Who knows, maybe I'll turn my writings into a book to bore more people with haha seriously though, if you've made it this far, THANK YOU!

I want everyone who reads this to take one thing away from my messy rambles, and that is to only measure your success by your own guidelines. You determine what makes you rich, what makes you fulfilled, what makes you successful.

And I'll leave you with this - Oh honey, how boring the world would be if we were all the same.

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  1. Such a nice, positive thing to read on a Monday morning! :) Great post!

    Renee @ Maritime Mama

  2. I can definitely relate to this. I'm 30, I turned 30 last year and my life isn't where I expected it to. I thought I would be married with kids and own a house but instead I'm childless, in a new relationship and moved back in with my parents, after leaving my ex. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to have the life 'expected' of us. Great post lovely.

  3. Oh, darling. I've got 10 years on you, and so much of this post resonates! For what it's worth, though: I think you're absolutely smashing it.

    Lis / last year's girl x

  4. Such a lovely uplifting post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  5. I loved this post!! You're right, we're all at different points in our lives, plus we all have different life goals and dreams. I've gotten frustrated that I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, compared to my friends and what society thinks, but maybe I'm just where I am right now for a reason. Plus, right now I don't WANT the things my friends have in life. And that's okay. Like you, it's taken me a bit to learn this, and I still feel a bit bad about where I am at the moment, but I know you can be happy and fulfilled no matter where you are in life. So thank you for this refreshing breath of positivity! I really needed it! <3

    Emily | https://www.thatweirdgirllife.com

  6. Absolutely love this! Thank you for sharing!
    Didi | https://didicrawford.com/

  7. LOVE THIS POST. We do change and grow, and our dreams change. Each person's definition of success is different and we shouldn't arrive to hit others' definitions.