Imposter Syndrome Strikes Again

Close up photo of a white mug with ginger and black cats on it, on top of a white marble top desk with an iMac and Blue Yetti microphone in the background

Imposter Syndrome, it's something that I struggle with a lot, especially when it comes to blogging and social media.


I've been blogging for just over five years now and I thought with time that the Imposter syndrome would disappear but unfortunately, it just seems to be getting worse. I feel like the longer I'm blogging, the worse things get in my mind and It's a constant battle to make myself feel like I belong.

You see, I often feel like what I write is terrible, that my blog is the worst and that I should give it up. There have been plenty of occasions where I've felt like throwing in the towel and closing my blog down because I just don't feel like I belong; and it's not just blogging I feel this with, it's social media and creating online content like photos and videos.

I have been dipping in and out of Twitter for a while now, every time I open the app, I feel like I'm out of my depth and that it's a foreign world to me. I remember when I would regularly interact with people, when I felt like I could publish a tweet without feeling like I'm bothering others, when I could jump onto Bloggerstribe and feel anything other than "you don't belong here". Granted there has always been this little voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm not good enough, but I was able to push it aside and get on with things; However, that voice seems to be louder and more poignant than ever these days. I often feel like I shouldn't be on Twitter, that I don't deserve to have the followers that I do or the readers because who am I? Who am I to have these people following me? 


Photo of a swan in blue water by Jordanne Lee Creative
Photo of a lake with houses in the distance by Jordanne Lee Creative
Photo if a woman performing on stage at the Just start here festival by National theatre 2020 - Photo by Jordanne lee creative
Close up photo of a bar with a beer tap - Photo by Jordanne lee creative
Close up Photo of an orange lily with rain droplets on it by Jordanne lee creative
Some of my photography work

When I scroll through twitter and see all the amazing blog posts that people are writing and the content they are producing, I can't help but wonder how I fit in to it all. It's also an issue of age as well because I'll be 28 this year and at times, I feel like I'm too old to still be at this stage where my blog is a hobby instead of a full-time job which I often see with others my age. But I don't want this to be my full-time job, sure, at one point in time I did, I had all these great ideas on how I would be this full-time blogger, taking my laptop to cafes to write and brining in the money. The reality is, when I start to view my blog as something I HAVE to do, I lose the passion for it.

I was taking on lots of product reviews and sponsored posts in 2018 because I felt like I HAD to do that in order to be a "real" blogger, but it got me down and I found myself loathing logging on because blogging lost its charm in my eyes, it simply wasn't enjoyable anymore. That's when I decided to only say yes to opportunities that I truly felt were a good fit instead of saying yes to every email that entered my inbox. I get that it can feel good when you are being approached to review products but at some point, you have to ask yourself some questions like: how does this benefit me? Am I only doing it because it's another product to try out? Will I actually use this again if I like it? Is it a product/service I can get behind?

When I started asking myself those questions, I soon found that I was only reviewing products or services because I saw other people doing it and thought this is what made me a blogger. So, when I started to be selective in the opportunities I said yes to, I started to enjoy blogging again, but I still had that feeling of "I don't belong". I tried to do what I thought others expected of me, but it took the fun away from blogging again and I felt like I was back at square one. The cycle feels never ending sometimes.


 
 Some of my photography work

Also, touching on age again, getting older has made me feel like what I have to say isn't as important anymore because I'm not in my early 20s, I'm closer to 30 which is a whole other topic on its own as I'm having a bit of an identity crisis, but my age has made me feel inferior in all sorts of ways. It's funny though, because some of my favourite blogs to read are by those in their 30s and I would never classify those women as "old" or "irrelevant" because of their age, so why do I put so much pressure on myself when it comes to this? I'm constantly worried that my work isn't good enough and that my accomplishments mean nothing thus far. 

I love blogging, it's a huge passion of mine because I love to write and take photos which this little slice of the Internet lets me do. But I am constantly second guessing myself, often shying away from creating the sort of content that I want to because in my eyes, what I will create won't be good enough.

I studied Photography and Film for three years, I won an award for best HNC graded unit because of the creativity and dedication I put into my work and admittedly I have received a lot of praise throughout those three years for my work ethic and the work I produce, but I personally never understand why because to me, I just don't see it.

I am technically capable of creating content that is a lot more exciting than what I currently produce and although I know I can put my skills to better use, I don't. I don't because a part of me feels like what I can do isn't good enough, I constantly nit-pick at my work, when I create films I work myself into the ground, worrying about every single detail because I hold myself to a high standard, higher than I would hold anyone else to which I know is one of my weaknesses. Imposter syndrome kicks in hard when I try out something new for the blog and a lot of the time the posts and videos stay in drafts over the fear of it not being good enough.

Some of my photography work

I know I have to try and get out of this head space that I'm in because if I don't, I'll never move forward; I'll be stuck in this rut, worrying about what others may think of my work, what people may say, worrying that I'll be laughed at. This is my own insecurity, I think because I love what I do so much, I worry that what I produce will be lacklustre and I'll realise I've been kidding myself all of these years about the skills I have.

My hope is to take new risks and start producing the content that I'm afraid to post so that I can take the leap and not let the skills I've learned go to waste. It's scary but I know I have to do this in order to content and not become stagnant with my work. It may be hard, and I will have to try conquer the Imposter syndrome, but it's a step I'm willing to take to show myself that I can overcome this, that I can get out of my own head.


Photo if a woman performing on stage at the Just start here festival by National theatre 2020 - Photo by Jordanne lee creative
Photo if a woman performing on stage at the Just start here festival by National theatre 2020 - Photo by Jordanne lee creative
Some of my photography work

As you will have seen, throughout this post I have some photos that I have taken over the last 9 months, they may not seem like they fit with this post but I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and start believing in myself. One of the steps I am taking for this is to share more of the photos that I take because photography is a huge part of my life and probably the biggest passion in my life. When I get a camera in my hands, even though I can hardly hold it still now due to my fibro, I still make it work and I'm proud of that, even if Imposter syndrome screams at me in my head that they aren't good enough, I still really love getting out and about with my camera. So, what better way to show some of my work than introducing them in this particular post. I find this rather nerve racking, I know I have shared some of my photos before, but I want to get into a habit of doing it more. 

Here's to believing in myself, to pushing myself to achieve bigger and better things, to not letting Imposter syndrome rule my life and to letting go of fear.

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4 comments

  1. Sending you hugs, it's hard to be a blogger when everyone is giving advice what not do to, it can be hard to make decisions to move forward :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

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  2. Imposter syndrome is a 🙊. I suffer terribly, especially in the outdoors groups which is my niche. It is only in the last few months that I have actually followed some outdoor accounts on my Instagram even though I have been blogging about the subject for over 2 years.

    I have always loved everything you do and you are one of my blogging inspirations so stay awesome and carry on blogging. 💗

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  3. You are one of the bloggers I admire the most. I know that doesn't help, just like my colleagues telling me they respect me doesn't stop me feeling like I'm about to be "found out" at any moment. I can just offer a virtual hug and encouragement for you to keep going. Life doesn't stop at 30, I just sure as hell hope it carries on after 40 too cos that's not far off for me. Hugs again x

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  4. I love your blog Jordanne, it's one of my favourites I always read it! I hope you can get through this and carry on because you are a really great blogger x

    Take care x

    Sarah x

    https://www.dreamcashe.com/

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