The Anxiety Of Post Lockdown

Life has been strange lately, hasn't it? I mean, we've been hit with a lot this year and although life seems to be moving along a little more smoothly, there's still so many questions left unanswered and "what ifs" to warrant being able to say, we are finally getting somewhere. 

I've been trying to be as positive as possible about life moving along, especially since Lockdown felt like it lasted forever and at times, I was questioning wither we were in 2021 yet or not. I thought that there would be more joy coming out of lockdown if I'm honest, but I've actually felt more stressed now than I ever did in lockdown. 

Going to the shops feels like a full blown military operation, there's so many steps to remember before even stepping foot out of the door and whereas forgetting my phone was the biggest problem, a simple mask rules my life now, because if I forget that, it really does feel like the end of the world. 

I don't mind having to wear a mask though, I don't find it a problem anymore, at first I felt like I was being suffocated because it's not something I'm used to and my breathing is all over the place at the best of times, but now it's just another part of life. I also understand why we need to and I've not had the attitude of "well I'm not wearing one" because I realise that it's not just about me, it's about keeping others safe who may not be able to wear one for medical reasons and protecting myself and my loved ones. 

In the grand scheme of things, having to wear a mask doesn't feel so bad, but the fact that a simple mask is the difference between being able to buy food or not, was not something I predicted for 2020. 

Now that restrictions are easing up a little, I find myself having to mentally prepare for going out more than I did before this pandemic. Its caused havoc on my anxiety and most days require a full half hour to gear myself up for stepping foot out of the door. 

I've been a lot more active lately, going out for walks, taking little bear to parks and I even went for a Costa with a friend, Socially distanced of course, but before anything I do, I have to prepare for it so that I can keep my anxiety at bay. I've tried really hard to not let it affect life though because I don't want that to rub off on Little bear as he's already a little nervous as it is, but when he's not around I'm worrying which is probably why I'm avoiding shopping centres and any sort of shop apart from Tesco unless it's absolutely necessary. 

I really wish I could be someone who was comfortable going out to eat again for the eat out help out things or browsing shops like TKMaxx or the likes because it's those little things that I miss, but sitting or standing around a bunch of people who may or may not be wearing masks or standing too close, makes me sweat and shake, so I can't even imagine what it would be like if I actually done it. 

I get that we have to keep living our lives, we have to try as best we can, but I have a sinking feeling that thing's might just get worse again, that we might have another lockdown and I cannot get that image out of my mind. I don't want to always be worrying, to always be waiting for another spike, but as an anxious person, I can't help it. 

Hopefully as the weeks go on, I'll get over this because I would very much like to start feeling a little more positive instead of second guessing everything. Plus, I really want to walk into TKMaxx and buy some candles! I miss buying candles! 

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  1. It's so difficult isn't it!? There's been several times I've had to turn around at the roundabout that leaves our estate because I remember my mask is on the kitchen counter! Although I have now ordered one to keep in the car to try and stop myself forgetting!

    As an asthmatic who doesn't have the easiest time wearing a mask it's infuriating that some people just decide not to wear one. Especially as they are the same people who will literally brush past you!

    We've been told that we'll have to start working in the office again in September, and I really don't want to. Not just because I prefer it at home in my own little bubble, but like you I can't help but think it's going to get worse again. Hopefully we are both wrong!

    Em xx

  2. I love your honesty in this post Jordanne! It is such a strange time right now and I'm still a little anxious to go out x

    Lucy |

  3. Thanks for sharing, your anxiety of post lockdown worries, I have the same worries as people don't seem to be wearing face masks or social distancing which is making me more nervous. I had an anxiety attack at a motorway services when people came towards me not following the one way system, I was to nervous to tell them to move, hopefully I shall be less nervous :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

  4. It's the little things I miss too about life before the pandemic happened. Philippines is still on lockdown, just on different levels such as in Metro Manila, we're on general community quarantine where most establishments have been allowed to open to revive the economy. I can honestly relate to the feeling of anxiousness about going out and how the mask and face shield (for Philippines) can make or break you being allowed to step foot inside a store. Cases here continue to spike and so while I feel a slight pang of jealousy when I see some people here out and about already, I choose to remain at home, only going out for important purposes. I consider it a part of my responsibility as a citizen to help our medical workers by doing what I can to not get sick and add to the numbers.