I'm 28

Close up photo of a pink cake with 2 and 8 candles on it

It's my birthday! I can't quite believe that today I turned 28, 28 years I've been on this planet and in 2 years, I'll be 30... not going to lie, I'm a little terrified.

Last year I wrote about how I had the fear of getting older before my 27th birthday in my post - Another Day, Another year older - but after turning 27 the fear wasn't there any more, however, the fear is back and I'm starting to feel a panic build up.

For me, getting older has always been a fear of mine, I'm petrified of dying which I think stems from the fact I've experiences a lot of death in my life and losing mum so young definitely took its toll on me. I also lost my uncle who was like a dad to me at a very young age and once I hit January in the new year, I'll be older than he was when he passed, this doesn't help my anxiety any.

I have this horrible feeling inside whenever I think about getting older because I worry that I'll die and little bear won't have his mum anymore and that I won't get to see him grow, see him experience life and that I'll miss major milestones in his life. Being a parent gives you that worry anyway I think, but knowing what it felt like to lose my mum so young definitely gives me a different perspective on life.

I also feel like this year has been a massive wakeup call on how fragile life is and how much our world can be turned upside down. When covid hit I was petrified, I still am, but when it all first happened, I couldn't think of anything else but death, especially since my gran is extremely high risk. Then lockdown happened and our lives changed even more, being stuck inside for so long helped me to appreciate those little things in life, which I spoke about in my post - INSERT POST HERE - There were parts of life that I took for granted and now with a different outlook, I can really enjoy life for what it is now.

Although I'm feeling utterly terrified at turning 28, being another year older and potentially a lot closer to death, I'm trying to think a little more positively on the matter, especially after realising life is short and we can't take it for granted.

Over the past week I've been using my Journal more to write down my thoughts and navigate these feelings which has helped. Each time I wrote out my fears, I also wrote down 5 things I'm grateful for or 5 things I'm proud of in my life to help me shift my train of thought from negative to positive. In seeing it all written down in black and white, I've come to appreciate those little things in my life thus far a bit more and built upon those parts of life I don't want to take for granted.

So, I thought that I would share 28 things I'm proud of in my life and achievements that I would never have thought about in depth until now plus what I'm extremely grateful for from the past 28 years.

1: I survived multiple Suicide attempts 
2: I birthed a beautiful, healthy baby
3: I completed 3 years in Film, TV and Photography, achieving my HND
4: I'm starting my own business 
5: I learned to drive 
6: I found my soul mate 
7: I have the most amazing Gran
8: Every car I've had, I've bought outright 
9: I've been to Disneyland Paris 
10: I at least had 15 years with my mum 
11: I have an amazing support network 
12: I won an award for best Graded unit, achieving an A
13: I got over my painkiller addiction 
14: Kept up with my Blog 
15: I'll be my own boss by the end of the year 
16: I have 6 diplomas
17: I'm finally on medication that works for me
18: My cat is still alive 
19: I got out of an abusive relationship 
20: I've worked with the National Theatre of Scotland 
21: I've started to accept my body 
22: Little bear is thriving 
23: My gran beat cancer, twice
24: I've toured Canada
25: I fight daily to have a good life despite my chronic illness 
26: I have the best family
27: I'm a survivor of rape, not a victim
28: I changed the course of my life

Sign off graphic for blog post that says "Jordanne ox" on it, white background with pink writing.
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7 comments

  1. Happy Birthday !!! Honestly I am 40 + and my 30's ( and my 40's too so far) have been my best years so far! I am 43 and I feel like i am only 30 ( not going to lie I am very blessed to look much younger than my real age) anyway enjoy your 28 and 30 its honestly just a number.

    http://www.mariesconnections.com/

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  2. Oh boyy that was intense and amazing at the same level . You did really well in your life ♥️
    Happy birthday once again 🎉🎂🎈

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  3. Happy 28th Birthday !!! So proud of you and all that you accomplished. I hope you have the most wonderful day! x

    Mari | www.dazedmari.com

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  4. You have so much to be grateful for! I turned 30 this year and I also went through so much emotions! But, happy with how my life has turned out so far.

    Candice x

    NatalyaAmour.com

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  5. Thank you for sharing, wow you have been through a lot in your 28 years, I would struggle possible to write mine as it would have 5 more been now that I'm 33!! Keep going what you do is great for the blogging community :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

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  6. Happy birthday, Jordanne!! I am so happy that your resilience has brought you so far in life <3 I will forever admire your daily courage & strength. May this new year be a blessing xxx

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  7. Happy Birthday and congrats on everything! I understand so much about getting older and dying. I get a little dizzy when I think of myself at 50 (which I know I shouldn't do but sometimes it just happens.)
    And good luck with the rest of the year :)

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