Women are NOT your property | My Body, My Rules

Women are NOT your property | My Body, My Rules [Last Updated – April 2022]

When I put on a nice dress and do my make up to go out for the night I am NOT inviting you to grab my ass and kiss my cheek.

When I’m having shots at the bar with my friends I am NOT inviting you to grab my waist and whisper in my ear.

If I’m dancing on the dance floor to my favourite song I am NOT inviting you to spin me around and go in for a kiss.

Despite what you think, I am NOT your property.

Women are not here for your amusement

Lately I’ve seen an increase of men going in for the “kill”.

Grabbing women when they have no right to, trying to kiss them without permission, thinking that they are easy targets for their disgusting behaviour.

We are only our own “property” not someone else’s, ever. Even after marriage or whatever other commitments you make. You are your own person, no one has the right to touch you without your consent and quite frankly I’m over this whole “it’s only a joke” mentality that people seem to have nowadays.

These “men” should not be excused and women really need to stop brushing it off because the more that happens the more acceptable it’s going to be to these people.

Just to note

Now, I’m using women as an example here because I am a woman and I have personally gone through these scenarios. But I do understand that this happens to men as well.

Men touching men, women touching men, men touching women, women touching women.

Basically one person (or more) touching someone else without their consent is NOT ok and we need to ditch the whole “it’s not a big deal” thing, because it is

We shouldn’t have to just ignore being touched without permission

Women are taught that if a guy touches you or grabs you that you should just ignore it. To brush it off and get on with things because they are only men doing men things.

They are acting like animals, worse than animals and praying on the fact that we do brush it off, we ignore it and we don’t do a thing about it.

We tell our friends, we joke about it and call the guy names and make a fuss about it to the wrong people instead of telling the guy to shove it and if he touches you again you’ll be phoning the police.

I know it’s not that simple though

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an idiot and I don’t have tunnel vision thinking it’s all so black and white. I know that some situations are hard to deal with, we freeze, we react in different ways and the people we confront often react horribly.

Often time women are put in immeasurable danger just by saying no. There have been instances of women being beaten and raped just for rejecting a guy.

My experiences with sexual harassment

I was touched up on a bus once. Cornered by three men who all sat around me whilst one tried to put his hand up my skirt and touch my hair. I froze, I was scared and I didn’t know what to do so I sat there with tears in my eyes, I couldn’t speak and all of a sudden a man came upstairs on the bus.

He saw the situation, said hey to me as if he knew me and said come here, I’ve been looking for you.

Naturally I got even more scared and confused but I realised he was helping me get out of this situation. He took me off the bus at the next stop, called me a taxi and even gave me the money for it.

I got home, told my gran, cried and then went to bed as if the whole thing never happened.

Sweeping it under the carpet just comes naturally, and it shouldn’t.

You know what I should have done? Phoned the police as soon as I got off that bus. I should have gotten the bus licence plate, told the driver, anything other than letting these three creeps get away touching a young woman.

But I didn’t because we are told to just deal with it. To let it go and be thankful nothing *serious* happened to us. But what if another girl got on the bus and they did it to her because I never did anything about It?

I know it’s not my cross to bear what those men did or what they could potentially do. But I can’t help feeling like it would be because I never stopped them in their tracks. It’s hard wrestling with that in your mind.

There have been too many occasions like this

One time I was groped whilst waiting in line to get my bag from the cloakroom at a gig. He stood behind me with his friend and grabbed my ass, the other wolf whistling asking what’s under my skirt.

There have been countless times in my life I have had to put up with men thinking they have some sort of claim on me. Like I am their property. They think that women are objects for their desires.

I’ve been in many situations where I felt unsafe and violated

One time a man came into the changing room whilst I just had my bra and tights on, staring at me while talking.

There was a man smelling and touching me and my best friend’s hair on a bus. Moving closer to us, regardless of Lisa and I moving seats constantly to get away.

A man grabbing my ass in the line at the bar, a man rubbing up against me whilst waiting in the queue to get Into a gig, a man following me home and standing outside my house for a good 10 minutes.

The list really does feel endless as I could go on and on about things in my life where I’ve felt like a piece of dirt, an object, some play thing from men to touch and grab as they like.

So many situations that I should have done something about but I never did because that wasn’t my first thought.

It hurts when even those in positions of power treat you like you are at fault.

I used to work in a nightclub as a glass collector and one night I bent down to pick up a plastic cup on the dance floor. I was doing my job and some guy grabbed my ass.

Naturally I got a fright, jumped back and bumped into him spilling his drink. Even when being touched by a stranger, I took the blame.

I apologised and offered to get him another drink whilst he shouted at me and tried to grab me again, I walked away and carried on with my job.

At the end of the night my supervisor (who was a woman by the way) pulled me into her office where she told me she was docking my wages to cover that boy’s drinks for the rest of the night and to think about how I acted because he complained about me.

I was the one at fault apparently

I explained the situation and you know what she said to me?

“You’re there to do your job, a customer is always right and you could have cost us business”

I told her to shove her job up her arse and I walked out, never to return again.

This was another woman in a position of power telling me that I basically had to put up with being grabbed and that I was the one in the wrong for him touching me.

But, With age comes wisdom

Now at nearly 30 I’ve had all these encounters where I did nothing about it but I have also learned from these and changed my ways.

I’ve had a man arrested for groping my boobs in a nightclub, I’ve phoned the police after seeing another girl being harassed at a bus stop, I’ve punched men for touching me (probably not my finest moment).

But through it all I’ve realised that when I do something about it I feel much better about myself. I feel strong and powerful because I’m not intimidated by these people and I don’t buy into the whole “boys will be boys” shite.

Societies views NEED to change

Instead of women having to fend off these animals, maybe we should be changing how society perceives incidents like this.

Instead of normalising this behaviour we should be incriminating it. Doing more to show that this type of behaviour will not be tolerated at all and they need to back off.

We are not their property.

They have no claim over us so why do they think that they do?

Why do these people think that grabbing someone or touching them or invading their personal space is even acceptable?

One thing that’s very prominent with men who do these things is that when they are rejected, they tend to kick off and make the incident even bigger than it was.

They seek out to humiliate the victim and fill their ego in front of their peers.

They don’t want to take a dent In their almighty manhood, so must compensate somehow and they do that by making a spectacle of the victim. It’s disgusting.

Women don’t know how to react in these situations and I totally get that.

But my advice? Seek help.

Look for a security guard, phone the police, look for another member of the public, just don’t let these people get away with it but also assess your situation, go with your gut.

It’s really disheartening that women are made to feel like they are to blame if a guy kicks off after being rejected rather than the man just accepting the no and moving on

It’s so fucking easy to just walk away rather than making a scene.

Women, well, no one, should ever feel like they have to make up an excuse to someone when they are getting unwanted attention.

We shouldn’t need to rely on the excuses like “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m a lesbian” just to get them to stop.

It’s horrible to know that if I go on a night out and someone tries to touch me up, saying that I have a boyfriend has more standing than simply telling them No.

When will this stop?

Will I ever feel safe when I’m at the bar crowded by men?

Will I ever not look over my shoulder when I’m on my own?

Honestly, I don’t know.

I doubt I’ll ever feel like that and it makes my blood boil.

I know I’m not the only woman/person who feels like this. There are plenty of us out there who hate these uncalled for situations.

Women are NOT your property.

Women are not there for you to have a feel of whenever you deem necessary.

We are not put on this plant to be used and abused by whoever thinks has the right.

Posts you may like

• Why I like to be positive | My life at a glance
• The Number One Cause of Rape | TW