That Drowning Feeling


Lately I've picked up a really bad habit that's starting to really effect my mental health, so much so that I now find myself wanting to stay in bed all the time.


I was always really proud of how organised I was. I had planners, journals, note books and a calendar that was meticulously planned out because I always like to stay on top of my life. I had colour coded lists, stickers to keep me reminded and it all made my life easier. Play dates, events, birthdays and more never felt like a stressful event because I knew in advance it was coming, I would never forget and I had a schedule that kept me on time, all the time. That was back when I actually had a system in place but now.... now I feel like I've been snowed under, and I'll never get out.

If I'm being honest, this started round about March/April time. I got sick, things started going wrong and life was really hectic. I got a little behind on things like my blog, college work, keeping up with little bears stuff.... It all went to pot. I tried to get myself in a place where I felt comfortable, like I could get back on top of life but it never happened. I've slowly been sinking into the hole, I've abandoned my posting schedule for my blog, I'm even worse at getting back to people than I ever was, and that was quite bad at the best of times. I forget so much now because my brain is clogged up with all my over thinking. I've missed mate dates, play dates, important dates and more. What doesn't help is that fibro fog has also decided to really twist the knife, and start affecting me quite badly. For a whole day I forgot little bears date of birth, I couldn't remember my phone anymore, at one point it took me 10 minutes to remember my grans real name.... That was a fun argument to have haha! Although I can laugh at that now, at the time when I finally remembered I felt awful, I could have been sick because it was a horrible feeling, to completely blank on something that's so important. So yeah, I've been horrible with any kind of organisation and I'm feeling it again.

The last few weeks of the summer holidays really saw me shine, my schedule got better, my blog was doing well and I was keeping it together which was a relief, I felt some sore of "me" return but then BOOM! College arrived. I was back to the full time course, little bear was back at nursery and it all went up in the air again.

College work was piling up fast so I decided to put that at the forefront. I focused on college work, and managed to get it all done but in that process I lost my way with life organisation and blog stuff, I was back to square one, if not worse because my mental health took a huge hit when I was in a car crash on the 1st September. Since then I haven't felt myself. I've lost part of "me" again and it feels awful! My health has gotten worse again, I'm always sick, I'm always in pain and now my ribs are broken which means double pain. The crash feels like it's accelerated the symptoms of my fibro, basically making them worse now and it's honestly so soul destroying.
I'm now at a point I have that drowning feeling and I don't know how to get out of it. 

My blog has suffered a lot, I've abandoned my schedule, Twitter doesn't get a look in most days (but I have so many more reasons I'm not a huge fan of Twitter anymore, but that's for another post), My instagram has suffered, my photography and my communication. I can't bring myself out of my anxiety attacks over talking to people and the longer I leave the messages, the worse it gets. What makes it worse, is when I do finally reply, and we have a lovely conversation, all is going well and we plan to meet, they stop talking to me. Now I could totally just be reading it the wrong way but a few times I've arranged to meet someone or be in the process of doing that and then when I say a time or day, they stop talking to me only to message me the next time I'm open about my mental health online, telling me they are there for me when I need it and if I want to meet up, starting the whole cycle again. I've also had some less than pleasant conversations with a few people that have made me loath social media and what's with the Dms every day from people wanting me to join their pyramid scheme or take part in a fitness programme that only costs "x" amount and that's a family discount you know, or the worse of all, buying followers *yawn* don't these people realise a lot of the people they message block them? I could rant about these forever and I do have a post coming soon about these (I know I've said there's lots of different posts coming lately, but trust me, they will be haha I just need to get some images for them)

Basically I just feel so in over my head. I want to keep my blog going, my social media evolving, my photography blossoming, my friendships growing and so much more but I also want to stay in bed all the time and just sink into oblivion to avoid life. I'm at a brick wall. How do I get over this? How do I get my life organised again because honestly, I miss that version of me. A happier, more confident, awesome mamma bear who actually had her shit together.

If you have ANY tips of getting your life in order, shoot them my way please, I need it!



3 comments

  1. Oh, Jordanne, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. There really isn't anything I can say to help or advise you although I do recall reading something on another blogger's post recently (I wish I could remember who it was) and her daily mantra was: Don't let it win. She said it really helped her but I understand it may not be right for everyone. I think you need to be kind to yourself first and foremost, you've been through a lot recently. You and little bear are the most important things. Your blog, social media (including Bloggers Tribe) can all take a back seat for the time being. Perhaps if you stop putting pressure on yourself it might not seem so bleak? Thinking of you, sending love and hugs xx

    Lisa | www.lisasnotebook.com

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  2. My best advice is to prioritize - what are the most important things to you right now that you want to be focusing on? Once you figure out what they are - resolve to let everything that isn't a priority go. Once you know what to focus your energy on, you can make a plan to start getting back on top of it - and it'll take time so the important thing is to be patient with yourself and not stress if things don't happen as quickly as you'd like.

    I wish you the best of luck in getting your head above water again.


    On The Cusp | https://on-th3-cusp.blogspot.com/

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  3. Maybe you need to take a vacation day with a friend. Take a drive and just get away. Do something different on the trip. Hopefully, you will come back in a better frame of mind so that you can start conquering the world again.

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