Imposter Syndrome: It Strikes Again
Imposter Syndrome, it’s something that I struggle with a lot, especially when it comes to blogging and social media.
I’ve been blogging for just over five years now and I thought with time that the Imposter syndrome would disappear but unfortunately, it just seems to be getting worse. I feel like the longer I’m blogging, the worse things get in my mind and It’s a constant battle to make myself feel like I belong.
You see, I often feel like what I write is terrible, that my blog is the worst and that I should give it up. There have been plenty of occasions where I’ve felt like throwing in the towel and closing my blog down because I just don’t feel like I belong; and it’s not just blogging I feel this with, it’s social media and creating online content like photos and videos.
I have been dipping in and out of Twitter for a while now, every time I open the app, I feel like I’m out of my depth and that it’s a foreign world to me. I remember when I would regularly interact with people, when I felt like I could publish a tweet without feeling like I’m bothering others, when I could jump onto Bloggerstribe and feel anything other than “you don’t belong here”. Granted there has always been this little voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m not good enough, but I was able to push it aside and get on with things; However, that voice seems to be louder and more poignant than ever these days. I often feel like I shouldn’t be on Twitter, that I don’t deserve to have the followers that I do or the readers because who am I? Who am I to have these people following me?
When I scroll through twitter and see all the amazing blog posts that people are writing and the content they are producing, I can’t help but wonder how I fit in to it all. It’s also an issue of age as well because I’ll be 28 this year and at times, I feel like I’m too old to still be at this stage where my blog is a hobby instead of a full-time job which I often see with others my age. But I don’t want this to be my full-time job, sure, at one point in time I did, I had all these great ideas on how I would be this full-time blogger, taking my laptop to cafes to write and brining in the money. The reality is, when I start to view my blog as something I HAVE to do, I lose the passion for it.
I was taking on lots of product reviews and sponsored posts in 2018 because I felt like I HAD to do that in order to be a “real” blogger, but it got me down and I found myself loathing logging on because blogging lost its charm in my eyes, it simply wasn’t enjoyable anymore. That’s when I decided to only say yes to opportunities that I truly felt were a good fit instead of saying yes to every email that entered my inbox. I get that it can feel good when you are being approached to review products but at some point, you have to ask yourself some questions like: how does this benefit me? Am I only doing it because it’s another product to try out? Will I actually use this again if I like it? Is it a product/service I can get behind?
When I started asking myself those questions, I soon found that I was only reviewing products or services because I saw other people doing it and thought this is what made me a blogger. So, when I started to be selective in the opportunities I said yes to, I started to enjoy blogging again, but I still had that feeling of “I don’t belong”. I tried to do what I thought others expected of me, but it took the fun away from blogging again and I felt like I was back at square one. The cycle feels never ending sometimes.
I love blogging, it’s a huge passion of mine because I love to write and take photos which this little slice of the Internet lets me do. But I am constantly second guessing myself, often shying away from creating the sort of content that I want to because in my eyes, what I will create won’t be good enough.
I studied Photography and Film for three years, I won an award for best HNC graded unit because of the creativity and dedication I put into my work and admittedly I have received a lot of praise throughout those three years for my work ethic and the work I produce, but I personally never understand why because to me, I just don’t see it.
I am technically capable of creating content that is a lot more exciting than what I currently produce and although I know I can put my skills to better use, I don’t. I don’t because a part of me feels like what I can do isn’t good enough, I constantly nit-pick at my work, when I create films I work myself into the ground, worrying about every single detail because I hold myself to a high standard, higher than I would hold anyone else to which I know is one of my weaknesses. Imposter syndrome kicks in hard when I try out something new for the blog and a lot of the time the posts and videos stay in drafts over the fear of it not being good enough.
I know I have to try and get out of this head space that I’m in because if I don’t, I’ll never move forward; I’ll be stuck in this rut, worrying about what others may think of my work, what people may say, worrying that I’ll be laughed at. This is my own insecurity, I think because I love what I do so much, I worry that what I produce will be lacklustre and I’ll realise I’ve been kidding myself all of these years about the skills I have.
My hope is to take new risks and start producing the content that I’m afraid to post so that I can take the leap and not let the skills I’ve learned go to waste. It’s scary but I know I have to do this in order to content and not become stagnant with my work. It may be hard, and I will have to try conquer the Imposter syndrome, but it’s a step I’m willing to take to show myself that I can overcome this, that I can get out of my own head.
Sending you hugs, it's hard to be a blogger when everyone is giving advice what not do to, it can be hard to make decisions to move forward :)Nic
Imposter syndrome is a 🙊. I suffer terribly, especially in the outdoors groups which is my niche. It is only in the last few months that I have actually followed some outdoor accounts on my Instagram even though I have been blogging about the subject for over 2 years. I have always loved everything you do and you are one of my blogging inspirations so stay awesome and carry on blogging. 💗
You are one of the bloggers I admire the most. I know that doesn't help, just like my colleagues telling me they respect me doesn't stop me feeling like I'm about to be "found out" at any moment. I can just offer a virtual hug and encouragement for you to keep going. Life doesn't stop at 30, I just sure as hell hope it carries on after 40 too cos that's not far off for me. Hugs again x
I am suffering this at the moment and working out where I fit in. Love and hugs your blog is one I return to your posts give me an escapism and you have been one of the most supportive bloggers I have been fortunate to know in my journey so far. Do what you love and enjoy it Sarah
I love your blog Jordanne, it's one of my favourites I always read it! I hope you can get through this and carry on because you are a really great blogger xTake care xSarah x
I personally love your blog the first time I saw it! Don't put too much pressure on yourself. A lot of people including me enjoy your content, that's why we always visit and read it. I also love your photos! I'm a huge fan of photography too 😊
Keep inspiring others, including yourself 💕
Ann
Imposter Syndrome hits us all, I don’t think it ever goes away and it’s a constant battle to keep it under control. I love your posts, Jordanne and enjoy reading them. I’m almost 2 decades older than you, I feel positively ancient in the book blogging community! But we each have our place.
I know it’s been a while since you published this post so I hope your Imposter Syndrome has slunk away into the darkness again.
Something I struggle with; especially as regards my blogging. I try not to overthink and just keep going.