Statements and Advice for Parents we DON’T Want to Hear
Statements and Advice for Parents that we DON’T Want to Hear
As a mother I’ve had my fair share of unsolicited advice over the years. Regardless of if it was coming from a good place or not.
When you become a parent for the first time you don’t realise just how many people have specific opinions about how YOU should behave and raise your child.
It doesn’t stop there though, parents who have been at it for years with multiple children still experience this. And more times than not, it’s from people who DON’T have children themselves.
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The issue I have with unsolicited advice or flippant comments is that it comes without any knowledge of someone’s life.
They have no idea what’s going on or why you’re making the choices you are.
These people seem to have this overwhelming need to inject themselves into situations where its not needed.
What’s worse is a lot of the time it feels like they are talking down to you. They act as though they are all knowing and never wrong.
I urge everyone out there to think before giving unwanted advice or making snarky, judgement comments.
With that being said, I wanted to share some advice and statements parents don’t want to hear.
Here are 8 statements and pieces of advice for parents that we DON’T want to hear
“Why don’t you leave them to cry?”
I got this a few times when little bear was younger. There’s just something in me that cannot allow my child to cry uncontrollably without tending to him.
We are consciously making the decision not to just leave them crying, so why ask? Why do we need to give them a reason about how WE are raising OUR children.
It baffles me!
If that’s your parenting style and works for you, that’s fine. But don’t look down on others who aren’t doing the same as you.
“You’re spoiling your child by picking them up every time they cry”
Tying in with the statement above, this one also really irks me.
How can you be spoiling a child by nurturing and comforting them?
I didn’t realise that tending to a child’s needs constitutes spoiling them.
It really makes me feel uneasy when someone connects a child being held and comforted to being spoiled.
Please don’t say this to any parent. If that’s your view, cool, keep it to yourself.
“You’re lazy if you don’t have a completely clean house and a happy baby”
The people who are on their high horses with shaming parents who have a bit of a mess or don’t constantly clean are a mystery to me.
I don’t understand how anyone, especially someone who has a child, can make this comment.
Like, why does it matter if someone doesn’t have their washing all clean and put away but instead sitting in a pile?
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not having everything all pristine 100% of the time.
At the end of the day, no one’s going to know your house is a mess, but they will know if your child isn’t being cared for.
As long as your child is happy, healthy and no one is in danger, who cares?
And to the people who genuinely believe a parent is lazy if their house isn’t showroom ready all the time, bore off.
“You shouldn’t let them eat McDonald’s right?”
I’ve never personally had this said to me, but I have friends who have.
It really boils my blood when others try to scald someone for letting their child eat a McDonald’s. Why do they think it’s their place to?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in children having one every night and never having home cooked meals.
But, I recognise that sometimes there are circumstances where this happens and I think people deserve help and support with food and nutrition.
There is no need to shame someone, they need genuine help without judgement. But that’s not what I’m referring to here.
What I’m talking about is when you let a child have a McDonald’s or a takeaway every now and again. I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s all about balance!
There’s no need for anyone to shame others for this, not at all.
Their child isn’t being harmed nor are they in danger so just but out of their business.
“You shouldn’t let them eat that”
This one I have had.
I remember one time sitting with my son and gran on a bench outside of Greggs, each of us with a sausage roll.
A woman on the other side proceeded to turn around and tell me I shouldn’t be letting MY child eat one.
I was so taken aback by this.
What business was it of hers if he was eating a sausage roll or not? And why is it a problem?
There is no need to shove your views on anyone else.
You don’t want your child eating a Greggs sausage roll, don’t let them.
“You chose to have your children, stop complaining”
I get really riled up when I see this. It’s mostly online I’ve seen this statement made and each time it fills me with rage.
Yes, we chose to have our children. But, that doesn’t stop us from being allowed to complain from time to time.
We love our children fiercely and I wouldn’t change my life as a mum for anything but damn it’s hard sometimes.
Let us vent, let us complain about lack of sleep, messy dinner times, snotty noses, messy houses, screaming kids and all the rest.
This doesn’t mean we love our children any less, we’re just human.
“Don’t use formula, Breast is best!”
I find this is one of the worst statements that’s made to patents unsolicited.
Not that I don’t agree with breastfeeding, but because there’s so many circumstances where it may not be feasible.
I believe that a baby being fed is the best.
I would much rather a child is being fed than starved because there’s obstacles in the way that makes it not doable.
Why I think this bugs me so much is because as a parent who tried tirelessly to get my son to latch, it just never happened. My son would not latch to me at all and so he wasn’t getting fed.
So, I turned to formula.
Am I ashamed? No, not in the slightest.
My son is a beautiful boy who is absolutely thriving in life. Do I wish I could have breastfed him? I do, but I don’t beat myself up over it.
Not everyone will have that mindset though. Some people may feel ashamed and like they are a failure.
And when someone screams breast is best constantly, it completely negates other people’s circumstances.
“So nice of their dad to babysit them”
I can’t even begin to express the RAGE I feel hearing this.
It’s only been said to me once, but that was more than enough times.
I was at college studying film, photography and media so we had a lot of practical work to do. We were shooting a short film and LB’s dad was the one at home so I could get work done.
In Tesco getting a meal deal to see me through the next few hours one night I bumped into someone I knew from my teenage years.
We got to chatting and asked where the wee man was, so I explained I’m working on a short film so he’s having a boys night with his daddy.
Well! Let me tell you, the look of shock on her face was something else and then the words came out
“Thats so good of his dad to babysit while you do a project”
Babysit? Excuse me? BABYSIT??
I didn’t leave him with another relative, friend or Babysitter, he was at home with his DAD!
You know, the one who created the child with me? I didn’t do it on my own, there was no Mary mother of Jesus incident here.
It’s very frustrating because it’s as if he’s doing me a favour. He wasn’t, he was being a dad and supportive partner and you know, doing parenting duties.
As you can tell this is the one that annoys me the most in the list. It’s just, I don’t get that mindset.
So please, don’t make this comment to anyone.
You wouldn’t tell a mother she’s so great for babysitting the kids would you?
And there you have it, 8 statements and pieces of advice for parents that we DON’T want to hear.
What sort of advice or statements have you heard that irk you? Let’s chat about it in the comments!
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I can see how frustrating this type of “advice” is … I’m not a parent but have seen how those who are have to constantly shield themselves from people who want to interject with what they think should be done/happening. Ugh. I will do my best to intercept this kind of behaviour if/when I see it.
Uhh, dad to babysit, he is 50% of their parents, it is not baby sitting, it is taking care of their child!! I don’t have a child yet; but hoping to have one in the near future! I am aware of these comments, I will be telling them to bugger off ha ha! Thank you for sharing Jordanne.
Lauren x
I’ve had some around feeding. My mom in law thought it weird I fed him lunch and then put him to nap without a bottle. Because he needed a drink. The baby was full! He didn’t want his water. What in the heck? Why would o offer him a bottle?