But why? | The Affect of a Miscarriage on My Life

But why? | The Affect of a Miscarriage on My Life

But why?

It’s something I have been asking myself for the past week and no matter how many times I ask this, the answer will always be the same. (TW: Talk of Miscarriage – Affect of a Miscarriage)

If you follow me on social media, then you may have seen that last week I started to go through an early miscarriage.

This isn’t something I was willing to share at first.

I mean, it’s not the kind of thing you go about shouting from the roof tops is it?

But I’ve been having a really hard time with this as it’s the 3rd time I have experienced this.

So, today I wanted to brain dump a little and share my experience on the Affect of a Miscarriage on my life. I do this in the hopes that it helps even one person out there who may be going through this feel less alone.

Plus I just really need to talk about this to help my healing journey.

The Affect of A Miscarriage on My Life

Last July/August I went through an early miscarriage and it was hell on my body.

I had no idea what was going on, it was a rough time mentally as well but I didn’t speak about it. That was the turning point last year when my mental health started taking a big hit.

I’ve written some posts on embracing myself here on the blog and touched upon being in hell with my mental health.

I didn’t have the courage then to speak about what I was experiencing, but the miscarriage really messed me up.

As well as 3 early miscarriages, I’ve also gone through one in a later stage when I was 18.

I honestly can’t even begin to explain how horrible that was.

It was a terrible experience all round and I still can’t fully talk about it because of how traumatic the experience was.

Why talk about the affect of a miscarriage now?

So, what made me speak out this time?

Well, I felt like I just couldn’t keep it all bottled up anymore.

My mental health has been in ruins over it and this new one has torn my heart apart. My mental health is at an all time low right now and I genuinely don’t know where to go from here.

But I do know I have to talk about the affect of a miscarriage, because bottling it up isn’t helping. It didn’t help last year and it certainly won’t help now.

My experience with SAMH (Scottish Action for Mental Health)

Before I got up the courage to speak openly about how this is impacting me, I tried talking with someone at SAMH.

My Dr was the one who recommended it to me and I honestly felt fobbed off to begin with.

I mean, why is he telling me to phone a helpline? But, my mental health ended up declining further so I decided to give it a try.

It couldn’t get any worse could it? There was no way I wanted to fall into a spiral of self-loathing again so SAMH felt like a good choice.

After speaking with someone and getting advice, I felt like being vocal and open about it all could be potentially good for me.

Just getting it out there helped to lift some of the weight I felt on my mind. That’s when I decided I wanted to be more vocal about this issue.

Where I began talking about the affects of a miscarriage

I first started out by sharing on my Instagram where I finally revealed why I had been away from social media and a little off.

After speaking out on Instagram I waited a few days to interact with people.

I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about it as I wasn’t prepared for all the “I’m so sorry” comments or the “I’m here for you” ones.

My mind couldn’t take it and I don’t know why.

The comments weren’t horrible, they were really supportive, but somehow I wasn’t ready to face the feelings they brought up.

After having some days that were a little better, I then opened up on twitter about it and the amount of support and love I received was overwhelming.

Even a few brands that I have worked with contacted me which honestly made me feel so loved.

When a brand takes the time out to extend support and offer to help any way they can, you know they are good and genuinely care.

Your Feelings Are Valid

I just want to take a moment to touch upon something I’ve found happens a lot when speaking about a miscarriage; And that’s people making statements that completely invalidate out experience.

I’m sure there are many of you out there who also experience this and feel completely alone because of it.

Feeling like your feelings aren’t valid is tough, and it’s even tougher when you’re told things like:

• “Well you just have to get on with it”
• “It obviously wasn’t your time”
• “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by”
• “It just wasn’t your time yet”
• “At least it happened before you had a chance to get attached”

People have no right to devalue your feelings and what you feel is completely valid.

What you feel is totally ok, and there is help out there whether that be going to see a GP, speaking with friends or talking with a councillor, there is help.

Just know that it’s no one else’s place to tell you how to feel or grieve a loss of ANY kind.

I’ve felt like my feelings weren’t valid and I didn’t have a right to feel upset

I have been spoken to like I’m an idiot for the way I’m feeling.

Someone has told me that since there wasn’t really any length of time on the pregnancy that I shouldn’t be upset.

I’ve also been told it’s just another one of those “things”, that I have to pull myself together, to stop crying, that I shouldn’t feel like this and so on and so fourth.

Now that I have gotten proper support and help, I know within myself that this is not true.

I know what I feel is valid, I know that I can grieve and heal in my own way and I want others to know this as well.

Your feelings matter, how you cope, matters.

Even though this is a fairly common “thing” to happen, you are allowed to feel hurt and upset.

I’m still not feeling like “me”

I must admit, I’m not 100% me yet, I’m not anywhere near ok with experiencing the Affect of a Miscarriage.

Even writing this has me shaken because I don’t know if I should post this.

Am I being too dramatic?

Is this even something to be hurt over?

And I know that my feelings are valid, I’m allowed to be hurt by this and heal how I want to.

But, in the back of my mind I have this voice telling me that other people go through much worse and they handle it better than me.

Me comparing myself and being my own critique is a flaw of mine and I know I have to stop this.

Regardless of what anyone else says or thinks, this is something that has hurt me deeply.

For a while now S and I have talked about another child. I know we both really want a second and I hope that one day it happens, but when you are so excited at the thought that this time is finally the time and then it all just gets ripped away, it’s truly heart-breaking.

Another affect of a miscarriage has been mourning my want for another child

Since I have had this experience more times than I ever thought I would, I’m starting to worry that a second child may not be on the cards.

I am thankful to my GP though who has talked me through some testing I can have done when I feel ready for it and I have been given lots of information.

My GP was lovely, I can’t fault how this situation was handled at all.

I do hope that in the future that I will be able to have another child, but for now I have to think about the present.

Right now I have to focus on getting better both physically and mentally so that I can be the best version of me for my Little Bear.

Little bear has been a joy lately, even though he has no idea what’s going on he has been there for me.

Making me smile and laugh, keeping me going and showing me that even when there is darkness there is a ray of sunshine somewhere in there.

I am thankful to all the support I have received, it’s overwhelming to say the least.

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