A Look Back at 2019

A mid shot of myself (Jordanne Lee) standing holding a phone in right hand and white tea cup with "Drink Me" written on it. I am wearing a pink robe and the background is blurred

In two days, it will be the start of a New year and I can't even begin to explain how happy that makes me. 2019 has been a roller coaster to say the least, there have been a lot of low, lows and some really great highs.


As 2019 is coming to an end I wanted to look back over the past 12 months, touching on some of the high points and some of the low. Although it's been a tough year, I have to admit that the last few months of the year brought some amazing wins my way which I'll be forever grateful for, I may look back on 2019 and shudder at some of the memories, but at there will be some light amongst the dark.



2019 started out strong, I was in a great place creativity wise and I was more motivated that I had ever been. Working on my filming projects kept me busy and I had the enthusiasm for blogging back which was a welcomed change, life was going well but then things started to go wrong, eventually causing a snowball effect where it was one thing after another.

My relationships were suffering, I wasn't being as social, I was focusing on college a little too much and neglected other areas of my life and whilst things were going ok, I started to feel the pressure, but then I went away to Lloret de Mar for a few days and it helped clear my head, I was rejuvenated with a new sense of purpose, it didn't last long though.



A week after we got home, I found out I was pregnant. My world turned upside down within a matter of minutes and suddenly I was thinking of a future with two children, wondering what little bear would be like as a big brother and panicking slightly about space with the possibility of moving. It was a whirlwind, on the one hand I was happy but then I was filled with lots of questions, could I have another child now? Is this the right time? So many thoughts raced through my mind, but it was short lived. I was further along than I realised and then without warning, it all came crumbling down. To be honest, I really don't want to go into detail about it all again, instead I'll refer to you this post - Storms make trees take deeper roots - where I talk about what happened (please note there is talk of miscarriage within the post)

When everything was going on, I fell into a deep depression that left me feeling like an empty shell that was worthless. I didn't want to eat, get up or do anything really, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die if truth be told. It was a horrible time in my life that still gives me nightmares to this day, I wake up screaming and crying some nights, asking where my baby is and life sort of hits that little bit harder at 3am when you finally snap back into reality.



I was in a spin, life didn't seem real and I couldn't quite find the light in the tunnel, that was until I had a realisation one night where I reminded myself I have a son who counts on me, who loves and needs me, that's when I snapped out of my funk and started to help myself.

I went to the drs, I changes my habits, I began eating again and taking care of myself. From there I began building myself up, taking care of my mental health and actively practising self-care, it wasn't easy and I'm still not 100% me but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.



However, the last half of the year really brought the tone back up as I had a lot of really high wins, in my opinion anyway. I was given the opportunity to go and work with Emma Schad, the head of communications from National Theatre of Scotland, shadowing her and seeing how the departments communicate with each other, soaking up all the information I could, speaking with some of the key 'cogs in the machine' so to speak. It was amazing and I'll forever be grateful to Kim, my amazing lecturer who got me this, even more so because it's led to paid work!

I also managed to get out with little bear a lot more since September and we have had some amazing days out, spending time together bonding which was needed after the summer and lack of family time. Getting to be with my little man was precious, the memories we have created will last forever and for that, I'm thankful. There's some more great things that have happened this year which I've spoken about in a previous post - Let's look on the bright side.



2019 will always be a sore spot for me, I'll look back and a part of me will ache for what I couldn't have. But it's time to look towards the future and live in the now. I've spent long enough wallowing in self-pity and trying to make sense of why everything happened, but I can't keep putting that first.



I will be taking back my life in 2020, this will be my year and I will look back in December at how good a year it was, I can feel it. So, here's to the new year, to taking charge of our lives, to spreading kindness and positivity and to loving ourselves more.

Have a good new year, wishing you all love and happiness in 2020.
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A look back at 2019 - Taking a look at the past 12 months, going over the highs and the lows pinterest image on Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk


13 comments

  1. Have a wonderful New Year sweet. I'm so glad you've ended the year on a high. I hope the positive vibes continue into 2020!

    Em xx

    www.emswordlblog.com

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    1. Thank you lovely <3 Happy new year to you too :)

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  2. wow, you've been through so much this year and you're still so positive and optimistic about the future, and you're so strong.
    I really admire you.

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  3. Happy New Year, hope 2020 brings better for you :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

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  4. Happy New Year Jordanne!! You are such a strong woman, and I am blown away by how you were able to emerge from such pain that only comes from losing a child. I wish you the absolute best in 2020, and I pray it's a year that can wash away many of the hurts you experienced in 2019 xxx

    brineandbooks.com

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    Replies
    1. Happy New Year 😊 thank you so much, that really does mean the world! Thank you xx

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  5. I'm sorry 2019 was so up and down for you. And I'm so so sorry about what happened to you. Just know that you're an amazing, strong woman and you got through this year and you're ending it on a high, wonderful note. 2020 will be a good year for you, I know it, and I can't wait to see what it holds for you! Stay strong!

    Happy New Year!! <3

    Emily | https://www.thatweirdgirllife.com

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  6. Happy new year! I can't begin to imagine what you've been through, but I'm so glad you've got to a better place. Here is to a fantastic 2020! Helen xo
    www.whathelenloves.com

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  7. I am so sorry that 2019 was so unkind to you. But I am glad that things ended more positively.

    Sending love to you for 2020 x x x

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  8. Wow, you've gone though a lot last year. And I'm truly sorry for your loss (you gained an angel). Anyway, wishing you a prosperous 2020! :)

    - Hazel https://hazywanders.com

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear that, you're such a strong woman, to be where you are now.

    I hope 2020, is amazing for you.
    x

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