28 things I’m Grateful for in Life | Celebrating my 28th

28 things I’m Grateful for in Life | Celebrating my 28th

It’s my birthday! I can’t quite believe that today I turned 28. 28 years I’ve been on this planet and in 2 years, I’ll be 30! Not going to lie, I’m a little terrified.

Last year I wrote about how I had the fear of getting older before my 27th birthday in my post – Another Day, Another year older. But after turning 27 the fear wasn’t there any more. However, the fear is back and I’m starting to feel a panic build up.

Ageing scares me

For me, getting older has always been a fear of mine. I’m terrified of dying which I think stems from the fact I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life and losing mum so young definitely took its toll on me.

I also lost my uncle who was like a dad to me at a very young age and once I hit January in the new year, I’ll be older than he was when he passed. This doesn’t help my anxiety at all.

I have this horrible feeling inside whenever I think about getting older because I worry that I’ll die and little bear won’t have his mum anymore. It’s a worry that I won’t get to see him grow, see him experience life and that I’ll miss major milestones in his life.

Being a parent gives you that worry anyway I think, but knowing what it felt like to lose my mum so young definitely gives me a different perspective on life.

Wake up call

I also feel like this year has been a massive wakeup call on how fragile life is and how much our world can be turned upside down.

When covid hit I was petrified. I still am, but when it all first happened, I couldn’t think of anything else but death, especially since my gran is extremely high risk.

Then lockdown happened and our lives changed even more, being stuck inside for so long helped me to appreciate those little things in life, which I spoke about in my post – Lockdown Silver Linings Tag.

There were parts of life that I took for granted and now with a different outlook, I can really enjoy life for what it is now.

I’m terrified of getting older

Although I’m feeling utterly terrified at turning 28, being another year older and potentially a lot closer to death, I’m trying to think a little more positively on the matter. Especially after the wake up call of life is short and we can’t take it for granted.

Working on my fear

Over the past week I’ve been using my Journal more to write down my thoughts and navigate these feelings which has helped.

Each time I wrote out my fears, I also wrote down 5 things I’m grateful for or 5 things I’m proud of in my life to help me shift my train of thought from negative to positive.

In seeing it all written down in black and white, I’ve come to appreciate those little things in my life thus far a bit more and built upon those parts of life I don’t want to take for granted.

So, I wanted to share some of the things I’m proud of

I thought that I would share 28 things I’m proud of in my life and achievements that I would never have thought about in depth until now. what I’m extremely grateful for from the past 28 years.

28 things I’m Grateful for in Life

1. I survived multiple Suicide attempts 
2. I birthed a beautiful, healthy baby
3. I’m starting my own business 
4. I completed 3 years in Film, TV and Photography, achieving my HND
5. I learned to drive 
6. Every car I’ve had, I’ve bought outright 
7. I’ve found my soul mate 
8. I have the most amazing Gran
9. I’ve been to Disneyland Paris 
10. I at least had 15 years with my mum 
11. I have an amazing support network 
12. Kept up with my Blog
13. I won an award for best Graded unit, achieving an A
14. I got over my painkiller addiction   
15. I’ll be my own boss by the end of the year 
16. I have 6 diplomas
17. I got out of an abusive relationship 
18. I’m finally on medication that works for me
19. I’ve worked with the National Theatre of Scotland 
20. I’ve started to accept my body 
21. Little bear is thriving 
22. My gran beat cancer, twice
23. I’ve toured Canada
24. I fight daily to have a good life despite my chronic illness 
25. My cat is still alive 
26. I have the best family
27. I’m a survivor of rape, not a victim
28. I changed the course of my life

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