Just a mum? Let’s take a deeper look
These are questions that really grind my gears! Why is it there are so many people out there that think it’s their business to be asking something along these lines? It’s none of their business.
Let’s stop with the judgement
Anytime someone says something like this to me, I roll my eyes. I particularly love doing it when they are right in front of me, that way they get to see just how stupid their questions are and how over their stupidity I actually am. I always feel super offended by these types of questions because I feel like they are trying to belittle me, like they are putting down the fact that I am a SAHP.
I may be “Stay at home” by definition but this in no way means that I stay at home and do nothing all day but watch TV with my feet up. We do plenty of things every single day and I didn’t realise that caring for a child, supervising them, you know, KEEPING THEM ALIVE, was nothing. Let’s get real here, people are actually PAID to do everything that a SAHP does, so you know, just throwing that out there.
I don’t want a medal, I am not looking for praise at all for doing something that I chose for myself. I am simply being a parent, you know that thing that I actually am. I am not writing this to be congratulated on what I do all day (Although it would be nice if the OH came home and congratulated me now and then, but that’s another story for another time!) I am simply writing this to point out that it’s unfair to simply assume that a SAHP does absolutely f**k all, all day.
I am a stay at home mum but I do a hell of a lot, so when someone asks me “What do you do all day?” I feel like handing them my child and saying ” You look after him for a day then come back and tell me what I do all day”
Here’s the thing, if you are a parent who goes out to work that’s FANTASTIC! If you are a SAHP, then that is FANTASTIC! Being a mum/parent/guardian in general is amazing!
But why is it that we feel pitted against each other? Why is it that in some peoples eyes being a stay at home parent is grounds to judge someone and why is it, if you are a working parent, you get judged for going to work instead of being home with the children? We really can’t win can we?
Why does everyone seem to judge what we do? Why are SAHP looked down upon as lazy? Why are working parents seen as not spending enough time with their children?
Why are we constantly having to defend what we do?
As a SAHP I can assure you that we don’t sit about; we don’t do nothing at all. WE ACTUALLY HAVE A TINY HUMAN BEING TO LOOK AFTER! But here’s the thing, I have also seen Working mum’s shamed for going out to work. Like, REALLY?! WHY ARE THEY BEING SHAMED FOR PROVIDING FOR THEIR FAMILY?! I don’t get it, I don’t understand all this, I really don’t.
But what makes it worse for me is when it’s mother against mother…. WE SHOULD BE SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER! Is that really so hard to do? I believe in parents standing together, to shut down the negativity and show our children that coming together to block out the negativity is the best thing possible. I honestly hate seeing people slag off others when the methods are in no way harmful to the child or those around them. This is a topic that really gets to me because I hate humans who try to shame what I do, that try to shame any mother/parent/guardian for doing their absolute best for their children. Yes, I understand that this was a little (big) bit of a rant, but this is something that really does grind my gears. As parents we have so much going on, we have little humans to take care of so when someone tries to undermine what I do, I don’t take it very well to say the least.
Can we stop with the judgement? can we stop being compared to each other? can we stop shaming parents for doing their best?
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Trust me, if I ever got the chance to be even HALF as good a mum as you are to your son then I'd be delighted. Don't ever let anyone put you down for the amazing job you're doing! And remember…. #mealprepsaves ;P
Omg you! You're gonna make me cry, seriously! Thank you so much for your kind words sweetie! And of course 😉 #mealprepsaves
I got shamed the other day when I bought myself a tonne of books with the remaining Christmas money I had, the other half we spent on the girls upon their own christmas money, this person told me I should've spent all the money on the girls and when will I have time to read, its a waste of money and all that, I know who said it and they know I do a lot during the day for my girls, nick and myself. I just couldn't understand why they wanted to make me feel bad for treating myself, the funny thing is she's a mother of two as well haha
That is horrible! How dare she, how bloody dare she! You're an amazing mother, absolutely fantastic! She has no right! I hate mother on mother hate, it's unnecessary and disgusting. You treat yourself girl, you do you! Xxx
People tend to love judging other people. I know several full-time moms whose daily to-do list is more full than mine with 2 jobs and school. At times they have all stated that working full time is easier and they had demanding jobs.
I think in the “business environment world” we can compare full-time moms with small business CEOs. They have to know, monitor and guide all their employees while making sure all paperwork is correct, health care, finances are balanced and all needs are covered with a timely purchasing plan. CEO in a small business has to know every part of the company and be ready to take over any job needed to be done. Just like full-time moms take care of every family member every need either with direct actions are guidance.
What I find strange in some stay at home moms – is that even some of them don’t appreciate themselves. I got a friend, stay at home mom for 3 kids, wondering about returning work field and not having any experience or skills. Totally discarding super skills of time management, logistics management, and budget management, not to mention team leading.
That’s how in the work field is called handling tasks involved in running a home – you have to consider every member’s needs, wants, and obligations. Make sure they all are dressed, fed, and clean – and on time where ever they need to be. And while being home – it’s not easy to keep a home on only one salary. The world needs to change its view of those skills and the skillset needed in running a family.
I agree so much with you!!! I’ll admit, I did feel like that when my little one was younger and it wasn’t until I went back to college that I realised just how many skills I gained due to being a SAHM. It definitely helped with my organisation, leadership and time management. It’s amazing how many roles you actually play being a parent and those skills are so valuable.
I couldn’t agree with you more Jordanne – it is so frustrating having to listen and deal with these comments. It seems like it’s no longer the done thing to stay at home and look after your kids. You have to be seen to be doing other things these days which is sad. Being a mum – a SAHM, is the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. Great post and so relatable. Thanks for sharing. Jade MumLifeAndMe