Reflecting on the Breakdown of My Mental Health | Part Three

Reflecting on the Breakdown of My Mental Health | Part Three

Welcome to part three in the reflection of my Mental Health Breakdown. After part one and two, I had to take some time to just sit with my feelings from last year.

I’m blown away by all the support I’ve been given since I started posting about this. Honestly, it means the absolute world.

Now that I’ve taken some time to get right with my feeling over it all, it’s time to get back to regular posting. So, today is the third installment.

Trigger Warning

In this section I will be talking about bullying and harassment.

Before I begin

Before I dive into this part there’s a few things I’d like to say first.

In this post I’ll be talking about experiences that aren’t entirely my own. This is focusing on something Little Bear went through but had a knock on effect with my mental health.

As this focuses mainly on Little bear and his experience I’ve sought permission from him to share about it.

Although, there are elements he doesn’t know about because we wanted to shield him from the adult situations as much as possible.

Another family member was also dragged into this without warning which you’ll read about as well. But they have given permission for me to share a little as well.

With all that being said, let’s dive in.

Reflecting on the Breakdown of My Mental Health Continued

It felt like life was testing my family to the max. My mental health was declining, grief felt like it was everywhere. To make matters worse we were dealing with little bear being bullied throughout.

Little bear began going out to play in March with a boy who had moved in to a house behind us. He was having such a great time and that soothed my soul a little knowing he had a friend he could socialise and play with.

I was especially happy because he could get out of the house and just be a kid instead of being around me who was overly emotional.

But, things soon took a turn for the worst.

Incident number one

Everything was going well with little bear until a group of older boys started to bully him and his friend.

It started off with teasing and calling them names if they saw them, but it escalated quickly within days.

One Sunday afternoon Little bear was out playing at the Square behind the house. I could see him from my window jumping around with his friend all happy.

I sat down at my computer to try get some work done as I thought he was safe, but then I heard the screaming.

My heart dropped and I rushed to the window.

There were 5 boys on bikes surrounding LB and his friend, and one of them picked LB up by the throat and slamed him to the ground on his back.

Seething with anger I ran out the house.

When I got around the corner, LB was sitting on the ground crying and his friend was getting his parents.

The boys were laughing and calling him a cry baby so that sent me into even more of a rage. Running over to LB I picked him off the ground and told the kids to get out of my sight and they better not touch them again.

I was in full mama bear mode!

One of the boys began shouting at me and another threw a rock at us.

The anger I felt in that moment is unmatched, so I whipped my phone out and dialled the police. I guess the boys knew because they began to cycle away.

But not before one of them yelled he was away to get his mum to “batter fuck” out of me.

How charming?

A few hours later the police turned up at the house and we gave statements and descriptions of the boys. Unfortunately nothing came of that as they couldn’t do anything without names or addresses but they did go for a walk around the area.

Little Bears injuries

The day after the incident Little Bear had visible finger bruses on his neck and his back was scratched up along with a massive black bruise on his lower left side.

I took plenty of pictures for evidence and then phoned the school to let them know why he was off that day plus about the incident.

At that point I was unsure if they were at the same school as him or if they were at another primary or high school. But I wanted there to be a record, especially as he had finger bruises on his neck.

Taking precautions

Although it pained me to let Little Bear out to play again, I know I can’t keep him locked up forever.

So, a few days later he went out to play with his friend after school but I told him if the boys show up, come straight home.

I watched him like a hawk though

Making myself a seat at my window, I kept an eye out, but thankfully they never showed up.

It took about 5/6 days for me to stop sitting at that window as he was outside, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

The weekend came and it was a beautiful sunny day. So, LB went out to play with his friend again.

That’s when incident number two occurred.

Incident number two

I was in my room getting changed into some joggies and a top as I had been dreading getting dressed. As I mentioned in Part One of this series, I hated wearing clothes other than PJs, but if LB was out of the house, I had to get dressed.

Just as I was putting my top on I heard the screaming begin

All I could hear was LB shouting “MUM”, “MUMMY”, “MUM”, over and over.

This time I didn’t even bother looking out the window, I bolted downstairs to get my shoes on and out the door as quick as possible. Just as I was about to turn the corner at the bottom of our row of houses, LB was there.

The left side of his face was bright red and his friend had his arm around him to comfort him as he cried.

This time one of the boys had punched him in the face twice and kicked into him.

Again, the rage I felt was something else

I could feel my blood boiling. Every part of me wanted to ring the boys neck (I know I couldn’t thought) but they had bolted once LB had started shouting on me.

There are no words to describe how it feels knowing your child has been targeted by older, bigger kids who like to bully and assault others.

Trying to get to the bottom of what happened, I asked LB and his friend what had gone on.

They began to tell me but LB was too upset so his friend took over.

Apparently they were playing at the rocks and the boys came along one of the paths between the houses and began calling LB a cry baby for what happened during incident one.

They started to taunt them and one stepped forward saying to LB “fight me, prove you’re not a cry baby” but LB wouldn’t fight.

Then came the harassment

I got Little Bear up to the house, a cold compress on his face and checked the rest of his body. On his left leg there was a bright red mark and his right shin was already starting to bruise.

I wasted no time in calling the police again because something had to be done.

Missing information

Now, there’s going to be a bit of missing information here and I’m sorry about that. I’ll try give a bit of a description so you can understand why I’m not talking about it without giving much detail.

I have asked permission about sharing a small part to give context and I sent the section coming up off to be approved by the person it involves first so there’s no going behind anyone’s back.

There was an incident later that same day as we waited on police coming with someone related to one of the boys and a family member of ours becoming a target.

This was extremely serious and the police had to get involved for that which took a few months to see any justice.

Just know that it’s easy to see where these boys get their behaviour from and the lies spread by them are awful.

Little Bear no longer wanted to go outside to play

After these incidents, little bear no longer wanted to go out with his friend. He was terrified these boys would continue to pick on him and it broke my heart to see him so scared.

He’s always been such a happy boy who enjoys playing and having fun. So, when he no longer felt safe to go outside, I felt like I had failed a s a parent.

I know that it’s not my fault these boys decided to target him, but as a parent you do feel responsible. You feel sick to your stomach and a rage that is unmatched.

Everyday I beat myself up over the fact I felt like I couldn’t keep him safe. That I let this happen somehow.

The Daily Worry

After these incidents the daily worry was beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. Knowing that there was a chance something worse could happen next time he went out to play plagued us all, especially as the adults in the other boys’ lives weren’t exactly acting responsibly.

Not only did Little Bear become a target for harassment, our house and my car were also seen as targets. There were a few times the boys were outside the house throwing rocks and sticks at my car and our house. 

Because of this we invested in a CCTV system to keep evidence.

Luckily the police were extremely helpful throughout everything that happened. We submitted videos from the camera watching the front of the house and due to getting them on CCTV clear as day, the police were able to locate them and the families.

From there everything stopped. The boys were no longer hanging around outside of our property and in time little bear was able to go out and play again.

I still worry to this day in case it starts up again but I know I have to be strong and show Little Bear that no matter what, I’ve got his back and I’ll protect him the best I can.

Moving on from the harassment

Although we have been able to move on from the harassment I know it’s left an impression on LB because he won’t venture far from the house which puts my mind at ease. I can always either hear him or see him while he is out playing.

Last year was just awful in so many respects, but the 5/6 months this was ongoing was definitely the worst. Constant anxiety and fear plagued my life and I tried so hard to make sure LB wasn’t the one taking on the worry.

This on top of everything else just felt like I was in a pressure cooker, waiting to blow.

END OF PART THREE

And that’s where I’ll leave part three.

I wanted to keep this part of last year in one post so that it’s done and I can move on from it all now. Hopefully getting these thoughts and feeling into the void will aid in healing from the worry and anxiety.

For resources and information on bullying, check out – anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk

Previous posts in this series

• Reflecting on My Mental Health Breakdown | Part One
• My Mental Health Breakdown – A Reflection | Part Two