A look back at 2020, the worst year yet

A look back at 2020, the worst year yet

What a year we’ve had eh?

2020 was something else. There’s been a deadly virus, we’ve spent most of the year on lockdown, there were explosions, plane crashes, locust swarm outbreaks, murder hornets and so much more.

It truly has been the worst year, hasn’t it?

So much has gone wrong and I swear we have been stuck in some sort of time paradox.

Can we get a break already?

Looking back over my 2019 look back post got me feeling emotional, as 2019 was a tough year for my family to say the least.

Some family members passed away and I had another miscarriage which was horrendous to go through.

It resulted in two operations, a blood transfusion, two infections and a whole host of other complications.

Seriously, 2019 was AWFUL

But, by the end of 2019 I was ready for the new chapter of my life.

I was full of hope and wonder at what 2020, the new decade held for us.

Especially when it came to college. 

I wish I had that same hope and wonder right now because looking ahead to 2021, I don’t feel too excited for the clock to strike 12.  

Anyway, I could go on and on about how I’m dreading this next year to come.

But instead, I want to look back over 2020 and talk about some of those hidden rays of sun that helped navigate these dark times.

Instead of focusing on what went wrong, I want to talk about the lessons 2020 has taught me.

As well as share some memories that helped make this past year bearable. 

With big changes come big lessons and boy, did 2020 teach me a few things! 

Stop worrying about what others are doing

A big lesson from this year was to stop worrying about what other people are doing.

We have gone through so much these past 12 months and all of us are just out here trying to survive and get by each day.

It’s easy to forget that everyone has their own thing going on behind closed doors.

Especially when we see a highlight reel of their life on social media.

And that can make it easy to compare your life, but I’ve learned that I need to stay in my lane and do my thing.

I can’t worry about what others are doing because then that dims my light.

And there’s plenty of room in this world for all of us to shine and do our own thing.

It does you no good to envy other people and compare what you have/are doing to what they have/are doing. We have our own path to follow and our own book to write.

Comparing where we are to where someone else is, doesn’t help us. I know this may sound like I’m saying it’s super easy to just stop, but I’m not.

I know it’s a continuous journey that I have to keep on top of, some days I still feel down or compare myself. But, I do it less now, and that’s a win. 

It costs £0.00 to be kind

With so much hate and animosity in this world right now, we need more people to be kind and understanding. I’ve learned that we shouldn’t take it for granted that people know we are there for them or that we love them.

We shouldn’t just assume everyone is doing ok, taking time out to be kind really won’t kill us and it may just make the world a nicer place.

I’m awful for forgetting about texts or messages. I genuinely have no idea why texting or messaging gives me anxiety these days.

Pushing past the barrier

But, I’ve tried to push past that barrier and send random texts every once in a while to friends. I do this so that I can remind them they are loved and cared for deeply.

I’ve also tried to be kind and pay it forward to strangers whenever I can.

Giving a compliment, sending little quotes that may cheer them up, giving to charity, educating myself on other cultures and generally trying to be a good human.

If nothing else, 2020 has taught me that we need to be a better community to each other. 

Holding grudges is a waste of time 

Going into 2020 I was harbouring a lot of resentment and built-up hatred towards a few people.

I hate that I did because now it feels so silly and immature.

But I generally couldn’t let go of the grudges. Situations have happened where I’ve had bust ups or vicious fights with ex friends/family and I hated these people with a passion. But after 12 months of anger, hatred, fear and violence spreading across the world, I’ve come to change my feelings completely.

For a while I was doing some team building work with myself, trying to get in touch with who I am and figuring myself out.

In doing so, I’ve let go of a lot of emotions that just weren’t serving me or my life. I started to come to terms with the fact that I can’t go back in time.

I can’t change the past, so in order for me to move forward and grow as a person, I have to stop holding onto that regret and resentment. I have to free myself.

So, I did. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t happen overnight, but I’m glad I’ve made positive changes in my life. 

Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok

This year I got a DM from someone questioning my commitment and love for my son.

They called into question, did I actually spend time with him and how could I love him if I never show him (on Instagram). Now this sent me flying!

I was very angry and addressed it in my stories at the time. But I never shared that I cried when I got the message because I couldn’t believe my love for my son was being scrutinised.

My gran gave me an amazing piece of advice that day that has stuck with me since.  

“Not everyone is going to like or agree with you, there’s just no way that’s happening.

So, you need to place less weight in what they have to say and ask yourself, am I a good person?. How does their opinion benefit my life?.

Are they saying something out of anger, fear or jealousy?. Does their existence add anything to your life?

There will always be someone, somewhere who doesn’t like you. But don’t let that weigh you down. Just like you don’t like some people, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

You keep on being you and don’t get caught up in things that don’t deserve your attention”.  

Do more of what makes you happy

After everything that’s happened this year, I’ve learned that we need to do more of what makes us happy. We need to start saying stfu to the naysayers.

All through my life I’ve been terrified of what others would think of me if I started doing what I really want to. Not because I feel it will make me fit in or won’t show that I’m “weird”, but because I genuinely enjoy it.  

For example, I have always loved the style of long flowing dresses. Maxi skirts with t-shirts and vans. Skinny jeans and oversized jumpers and boots.

Yet I stick to leggings and a jumper or jeans and the same hoodie or jacket. I felt like I couldn’t dress the way I wanted with my size.

But I’ve thrown that out the window and I now have a lovely collection of long dresses, maxi skirts and boots.

I’ve also always loved camping, I adored it when I was younger but as I got older, no one wanted to do that.

They wanted weekends out in the pub or a week abroad. And whilst that’s fun sometimes, I would have loved to get away for a weekend camping and experiencing nature.

Now I’ve realised that I have to make the plans and start actually doing it. So, 2021 will hopefully see more camping trips. Although I’ve had many more lessons throughout the year, these 5 were the biggest ones by far. 

Now let’s take a look at some of the good things that happened in the year. 

2020 robbed me and many others of our last year at college/University, it robbed us of those final blow outs. The nights studying together, or the days out and group projects.

It robbed us of those social interactions and memories. But even though I had to do exams online and work from home in a predominantly practical field (film and television), I passed my HND with an A.

I Graduated, and I actually achieved my goal of completing my education. I am over the moon with getting through it all and being able to say I Graduated. I actually did it. 

I also opened my own business this year, Jordanneleecreative, which is in its early stages still.

But I’ve actually started a business!

My goal is to start creating content for others in film or even photography but with the current pandemic, on site work is pretty hard to come by and the creative sector right now has taken a huge hit.

So, I’m focusing mostly on my blog and creating resources for bloggers at the moment.

Products such as the ULTIMATE bloggers planner and Instagram branding packs. 

I’m so proud of the career moves I made in 2020

As well two major achievements career wise in 2020, I also got to spend more time with Little Bear, and I honestly can’t explain how amazing it’s been.

I missed being able to hang out with him all day when I started at college again three years ago. We were super close and we done everything together but as he’s gotten older.

He’s gotten more independent and is at school most of the day. So, having time with him was wonderful!. We’ve gotten a lot closer and it’s certainly helped with taking a more hands-on approach with schooling.

My blog views also hit the 1.3 million mark which was a huge achievement for me.

I can’t quite believe that my blog, mine, my little slice of the Internet has been viewed over 1.3 million times!

A huge thank you to everyone who reads and interacts with my blog, it means the world to me.

New Car!

I also bought my second car this year after little Clio sadly couldn’t go on anymore. I purchased a little Nissan Micra at the end of August after saving up for what felt like an eternity.

As soon as I saw the car, I wanted it. The car was lower than my original budget, cheap insurance and a 5 door, so I couldn’t resist.

Oh, and before the pandemic hit and lockdown begun, I went a weekend away to Dumfries, to film the Just Start Here Festival which was amazing.

There was even some time for sight-seeing as well which was great. I also managed to break a bone in my foot the week before going, but it was still enjoyable ha-ha.  

Overall, this year a lot of good in an overwhelming sea of bad. I got quality time with family, achieved some major goals, crossed milestones and found my way back to myself. 

The random walks with Little bear, the DIY projects with my gran, the camping trips and long late-night phone calls.

The way the sun hit my skin on the 1 hour allowed walk, the sound of the rain as I held my other half tight, the long days in front of the TV and the afternoons spent baking in the kitchen.

The laughing until I couldn’t breathe, the feeling of new bedsheets, the sound of a text from a friend or a letter from family, the way my son says, “but please”, even when he doesn’t need to.

The 3am random movies and the scent of lemon candles filling the room, the sound of my son snorting when he laughs, the way my gran makes French toast, and the look my other half gives me when he’s about to annoy me.

The bees, buzzing around the flowers, the colour of the sky when the sun set hits, the way the summer air feels on the skin, the tears at cringe movies and the smell of fresh popcorn.

The days that were spent with people I love and cherishing those moments because many others aren’t that lucky.  

Those are the things that made 2020 for me, those were the moments I’ll remember because each and every one of them is something I won’t ever take for granted, ever again.  

Here’s to a new year

So, here’s to a new year, it may not be how we imagined it to go and there’s still a lot of uncertainty. But dammit, I’m just happy to say goodbye to 2020, the year that shocked us all. 

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